Besoin /desert
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Message de orage14 posté le 13-01-2017 à 16:52:07 (S | E | F)
bonjour
Je m'appelle hugo je suis en 4ème
j'aurai besoin d'aide, j'ai un exercice en anglais
Le sujet écrire quelques lignes sur la suite d'une histoire ou deux enfants s'écrase en avion dans le desert australien et rencontre un enfant noir d'une tribu locale, il faut imaginer la suite
J'ai écrit un texte mais j'aurai besoin d'une correction si possible
merci d'avance
The white children see the bush boy as a savage
But they don’t know anything about the desert
They don’t know how to find water and they can’t survive in the desert
So they decide to follow the black boy to the village
The chief of the tribe offers them food and drink.
They offer to sleep in the village.
And the next day they send two of his warriors to take them back to the nearest town.
Thanks to them they find their family instead of a certain death
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 13-01-2017 23:54
Message de orage14 posté le 13-01-2017 à 16:52:07 (S | E | F)
bonjour
Je m'appelle hugo je suis en 4ème
j'aurai besoin d'aide, j'ai un exercice en anglais
Le sujet écrire quelques lignes sur la suite d'une histoire ou deux enfants s'écrase en avion dans le desert australien et rencontre un enfant noir d'une tribu locale, il faut imaginer la suite
J'ai écrit un texte mais j'aurai besoin d'une correction si possible
merci d'avance
The white children see the bush boy as a savage
But they don’t know anything about the desert
They don’t know how to find water and they can’t survive in the desert
So they decide to follow the black boy to the village
The chief of the tribe offers them food and drink.
They offer to sleep in the village.
And the next day they send two of his warriors to take them back to the nearest town.
Thanks to them they find their family instead of a certain death
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 13-01-2017 23:54
Réponse : Besoin /desert de here4u, postée le 13-01-2017 à 18:03:23 (S | E)
Hello !
Une histoire se raconte au prétérit simple : Ne pas oublier la ponctuation !
The white children see the bush boy as a savage
But they don’t know anything about the desert
They don’t know how to find water and they can’t survive in the desert
So they decide to follow the black boy to the village
The chief of the tribe offers them food and drink.
They??? offer to sleep in the village.
And the next day they send two of his warriors to take them back to the nearest town.
Thanks to them they find their family XXXXX instead of a certain death
Réponse : Besoin /desert de orage14, postée le 13-01-2017 à 19:17:59 (S | E)
Bonjour
Merci de votre réponse
J'ai essayé de corriger mais je n'ai pas vu toutes mes erreurs
est ce que c'est mieux????
The white children saw the bush boy as a savage.
But they didn't know anything about the desert.
They didn’t know how to find water and they could survive in the desert
So they decided to follow the black boy to the village
The chief of the tribe offers them food and drink.
They??? offer to sleep in the village.
And the next day they sent two of his warriors to take them back to the nearest town.
Thanks to them they found their family XXXXX instead of a certain death.
Réponse : Besoin /desert de here4u, postée le 14-01-2017 à 09:53:03 (S | E)
hello again !
Let's see ...
The white children saw (considered?) the bush boy as a savage (barbarian).
But they didn't know anything about the desert.(Etrange de commencer une phrase par "but" qui est fait pour lier deux idées sans changer de phrase ...)
They didn’t know how to find water and (if?) they could survive in the desert
So they decided to follow the black boy to the village (ponctuation?)
The chief of the tribe offers them food and drink.
They???= préciser le sujet. offer to sleep in the village.(Ne faut-il pas un passif ici: = on leur offrit ...)
And the next(= discours direct=> indirect =?) day they ((the members of the tribe?) sent two of his(the chief's?) warriors to take them(the white kids?) back to the nearest town.(Vous voyez comme les pronoms sont ambigus s'ils ne sont pas clarifiés...)
Thanks to them they found their family XXXXX instead of a certain death.
Réponse : Besoin /desert de orage14, postée le 15-01-2017 à 17:14:18 (S | E)
Voilà si j'ai bien compris mes erreurs
Let's see ...
The white children considered, the bush boy as a savage
They didn't know anything about the desert.
They didn’t know how to find water and if they could survive in the desert
So they decided to follow the black boy to the village.
The chief of the tribe offers them food and drink.
The village chief offer to sleep in the village.
And the next day the members of the tribe sent two of the chief's warriors to take the white kids back to the nearest town.
Thanks to them they found their family instead of a certain death
Réponse : Besoin /desert de here4u, postée le 16-01-2017 à 11:12:36 (S | E)
hello !
The white children considered, pas de virgule)the bush boy as a savage (ponctuation?)
They didn't know anything about the desert.
They didn’t know how to find water and if they could survive in the desert (ponctuation?)
So they decided to follow the black boy to the village.
The chief of the tribe offers = prétérit de narrationthem food and drink.
The village chief offer= idem to sleep in the village.
And the nextfollowing day the members of the tribe sent two of the chief's warriors to take the white kids back to the nearest town.
Thanks to them they found their family(=maladroit!) instead of a certain death(ponctuation?)
La présentation "à la ligne après chaque proposition" est un peu gênante. Bien sûr, étant donné votre âge, vous n'avez sans doute pas encore étudié les mots de liaison qui permettent plus de fluidité ... le résultat n'est pas si mal !
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