My story/present tense
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Message from suhasini posted on 01-11-2016 at 16:08:14 (D | E | F)
Hello,
I've written a story,using present tense.It's a bit longer than the previous one. If you notice any mistakes on sentence formation and any vocabulary suggestions please let me know. I'll correct them. Please help me.
Thank you for any help,
I've been putting the story name is "The priest and two pupils".
A priest lives in a country and a cottage.he has got 2 pupils.one of them is a glutton.one day the priest thinks about his pupils and wants to test the pupils' patience.he calla one pupil and says 'son!In my farm paddy is ready to massacre,so you have to do that work by tomorrow'. he says 'okay priest!',then goes to the farm and starts work.eventually he has finished his work by morning.then he gets on his buggy an goes back priest's home.when he is at home,he gives paddy to his priest. then priest says happily 'oh my son! you have passed my exam,I appreciate you my son!',and gives a big cuddle to his pupil. then the priest gives a cow to his pupil and says 'take this cow. This name is 'kamadhenu',It gives everything to you,It gives good food ,gold and so on'. then the pupil says 'thank you abbot!'. After then the priest says 'now it's time to you leave this place,you go back your home '. Then the pupil says 'okay!abbot',and has gone back to home.
Next the priest calls last and only one and says 'oh!son,I'm so hungry and have to eat some food now'. Then he gives a 3 glasses of white food grain to him after then says 'son! now you go into the kitchen then cook'. Then the pupil has gone to cook the rice, after a while the pupil has cooked the rice and takes it,then put it all before his priest. The priest has eaten all food and leaves only a small cup of rice for his pupil,but pupil is a glutton. The food is not enough to him. This go on everyday and everyday he drink the priest's cow milk. Two weeks later the priest calls his pupil and asks 'son,you look fatty than before!. But you eat only a small cup of rice,don't you?. What do you eat not that else?'. Then pupil says 'oh!priest I drink your cow's milk'. After then priest says 'oh son!today on wards you can't drink milk'. The pupil says 'okay!priest',but hungry is bothering him, In the afternoon he has seen one tree and thinks 'hungry is killing me, I have to drink the tree's milk'. Then he is drinking the milk during the time, Accidentally the tree milk drops have fallen his eyes because of he has lost his eyes. Then he walks blindly and fell down into a pit. It falls down night, And another side the priest thinks' My pupil is not yet get home',and is seeking for him. In the way he yells 'son! where are you?'. Then the pupil hears his priest and replies 'Abbot! I'm here in the pit'. The priest has reached him and asks 'oh!son what are you doing here'. pupil says 'Abbot!I can't up',he said all. Then abbot says 'don't worry son,you pray the gods Aswini. They give eyes to you'. Then the pupil prays the aswini gods, Then the Aswini gods have appeared before him and gave one roti to him. Then aswini gods say 'now you eat that roti then you'll get your eyes'. The pupil has eaten roti and is gotten eyes back. After then the priest gives a ring to him and says' son!this ring has powers. when this ring is with you, you don't have hungry'. And at last the pupil has gone his house with the powerful ring.
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Edited by lucile83 on 01-11-2016 16:19
Message from suhasini posted on 01-11-2016 at 16:08:14 (D | E | F)
Hello,
I've written a story,using present tense.It's a bit longer than the previous one. If you notice any mistakes on sentence formation and any vocabulary suggestions please let me know. I'll correct them. Please help me.
Thank you for any help,
I've been putting the story name is "The priest and two pupils".
A priest lives in a country and a cottage.he has got 2 pupils.one of them is a glutton.one day the priest thinks about his pupils and wants to test the pupils' patience.he calla one pupil and says 'son!In my farm paddy is ready to massacre,so you have to do that work by tomorrow'. he says 'okay priest!',then goes to the farm and starts work.eventually he has finished his work by morning.then he gets on his buggy an goes back priest's home.when he is at home,he gives paddy to his priest. then priest says happily 'oh my son! you have passed my exam,I appreciate you my son!',and gives a big cuddle to his pupil. then the priest gives a cow to his pupil and says 'take this cow. This name is 'kamadhenu',It gives everything to you,It gives good food ,gold and so on'. then the pupil says 'thank you abbot!'. After then the priest says 'now it's time to you leave this place,you go back your home '. Then the pupil says 'okay!abbot',and has gone back to home.
Next the priest calls last and only one and says 'oh!son,I'm so hungry and have to eat some food now'. Then he gives a 3 glasses of white food grain to him after then says 'son! now you go into the kitchen then cook'. Then the pupil has gone to cook the rice, after a while the pupil has cooked the rice and takes it,then put it all before his priest. The priest has eaten all food and leaves only a small cup of rice for his pupil,but pupil is a glutton. The food is not enough to him. This go on everyday and everyday he drink the priest's cow milk. Two weeks later the priest calls his pupil and asks 'son,you look fatty than before!. But you eat only a small cup of rice,don't you?. What do you eat not that else?'. Then pupil says 'oh!priest I drink your cow's milk'. After then priest says 'oh son!today on wards you can't drink milk'. The pupil says 'okay!priest',but hungry is bothering him, In the afternoon he has seen one tree and thinks 'hungry is killing me, I have to drink the tree's milk'. Then he is drinking the milk during the time, Accidentally the tree milk drops have fallen his eyes because of he has lost his eyes. Then he walks blindly and fell down into a pit. It falls down night, And another side the priest thinks' My pupil is not yet get home',and is seeking for him. In the way he yells 'son! where are you?'. Then the pupil hears his priest and replies 'Abbot! I'm here in the pit'. The priest has reached him and asks 'oh!son what are you doing here'. pupil says 'Abbot!I can't up',he said all. Then abbot says 'don't worry son,you pray the gods Aswini. They give eyes to you'. Then the pupil prays the aswini gods, Then the Aswini gods have appeared before him and gave one roti to him. Then aswini gods say 'now you eat that roti then you'll get your eyes'. The pupil has eaten roti and is gotten eyes back. After then the priest gives a ring to him and says' son!this ring has powers. when this ring is with you, you don't have hungry'. And at last the pupil has gone his house with the powerful ring.
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Edited by lucile83 on 01-11-2016 16:19
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