Nouvelle invention/texte

Nouvelle invention/texte
Message de yuki161 posté le 23-02-2016 à 17:54:03 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je sais que ça a sûrement déjà été demandé mais est-ce que quelqu'un pourrait m'aider à corriger mes fautes s'il vous plaît?
Merci pour votre aide.
C'est une antenne qui permet de capter partout, j'espère que ce sera compréhensible. Désolée pour les fautes mais je suis vraiment pas bonne en anglais.

I'm going to present you an object which I think will be very useful, notably for the young who has a smartphone, but êven for adults or old person.Do you have of not having network(connecxion) when you are in the mountains? Or skiing ? Or in place lost ? Or home ? I'd like to present a small parabolic antenna, Myinvention will allow you to receving all.It is half the size of your phone, to use it, you just have to put up you phone and it's good! It is as easy as 1,2,3 !
This idea came to me because I think that I'm in the same case of a lot of people, I'm often out connexion, I can't even use it for an emergency, or to settle my problems.
My invention is a real breakthrough lige ! It's a mus have !
I think it is a good idea because every type of person has a telephone and that we mainly use to send messages and call but not to play online for GPS when we lost to research ... But why must the networks. My invention has never been tested.
This will probably be expensive as all that is new but you will regret it! But I can make you an offer if possible.
This product costs 1000 euro for now but it is a great product!

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Modifié par lucile83 le 23-02-2016 17:56

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Réponse: Nouvelle invention/texte de darkness18, postée le 23-02-2016 à 20:15:57 (S | E)
Bonsoir yuki161
I'm going to present you an object which I think X will be very useful, notably for the young (ajout de "people") who has (pluriel) a smartphone, but êven (Jamais d'accent en anglais) for adults or old person (voc).Do you have of not having network (Je ne comprends pas)(connecxion) when you are in the mountains? Or skiing ? Or in place lost (remote place) ? Or X home ? I'd like to present a small parabolic antenna, Myinvention (espace) will allow you to receving (Base verbale) messages in all of these places.It is half the size of your phone, to use it, you just have to put up(in the air ?) you phone and it's good! It is as easy as counting !
This idea came to me because I think (temps) that I'm (temps) in the same case of (Mauvaise préposition) a lot of people, I'm often out connexion (Reformulez), I can't even use it for an emergency, or to settle my problems.

Corrigez déjà ce premier paragraphe pour qu'on puisse continuer.
Darkness18

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Réponse: Nouvelle invention/texte de yuki161, postée le 24-02-2016 à 12:00:13 (S | E)
I'm going to present you an object which I think X THAT will be very useful, notably for the young PEOPLE who HAVE a smartphone, but EVEN for adults or old person.Do you have of not having network (Je ne comprends pas)[Avez-vous assez de ne pas avoir de réseaux quand vous êtes a la montagne?] when you are in the mountains? Or skiing ? Or in REMOTE PLACE ? Or IN home ? I'd like to present a small parabolic antenna, My invention  will allow you to RECEIVE messages in all of these places.It is half the size of your phone, to use it, you just have to put up IN THE AIR you phone and it's good! It is as easy as counting ! 
This idea came to me because I think THOUGHT that I'm WAS in the same case THAT a lot of people, I'm often out connexion I OFTEN NO NETWORKS, I can't even use it for an emergency, or to settle my problems.

Merci de votre aide, il y a juste les mots soulignés en vert ou je n'ai pas compris pourquoi ils étaient soulignés en vert. J'ai fait de mon mieux pour corriger.

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Réponse: Nouvelle invention/texte de darkness18, postée le 24-02-2016 à 16:46:29 (S | E)
Bonjour yuki161,

Désolé de ne vous avoir pas prévenu sur la signification de la couleur:
Bleu = Fautes à corriger
Vert = Ajout de ma part pour rendre votre phrase plus compréhensible qu'elle ne l’était.

I'm going to present you an object which I think THAT will be very useful, notably for the (en trop) young PEOPLE who HAVE a smartphone, but EVEN for adults or old person (Vocabulaire !).Do you have of not having (Utilise "Are you sick and tired of" pour formuler votre question) network when you are in the mountains? Or skiing ? Or in REMOTE PLACE ? Or IN (mauvaise préposition) home ? I'd like to present a small parabolic antenna, My invention will allow you to RECEIVE messages in all of these places.It is half the size of your phone, to use it, you just have to put up IN THE AIR (à la fin) you (pronom possessif) phone and it's good! It is as easy as counting !
This idea came to me because I think (Retirez le) THOUGHT that I'm (De même, vous ne pouvez pas avoir 2 verbes conjugués qui se suivent) WAS in the same case THAT (Faux) a lot of people, I OFTEN NO NETWORKS (Verbe ? Construction mauvaise), I can't even use it for an emergency, or to settle my problems.

Mettez en couleur ce que vous avez corrigé s'il vous plait et ne laissez pas les "impressions" que j'ai laissé car cela rend le texte illisible et dur à rectifier une seconde fois pour ma part.

Bonne correction
Darkness18

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Réponse: Nouvelle invention/texte de yuki161, postée le 25-02-2016 à 19:04:53 (S | E)
I'm going to present you an object which I think THAT will be very useful, notably for young PEOPLE who HAVE a smartphone, but EVEN for adults or elderly people. Are you sick and tired of don't have network when you are in the mountains? Or skiing ? Or in REMOTE PLACE ? Or the home ? I'd like to present a small parabolic antenna, My invention will allow you to RECEIVE messages in all of these places.It is half the size of your phone, to use it, you just have to put up your phone in the air and it's good! It is as easy as counting ! 
This idea came to me because I THOUGHT that I WAS in the same case than a lot of people, I don't have OFTEN NO NETWORKS, I can't even use it for an emergency, or to settle my problems. 

Voilà j'espère qu'on pourra rapidement passer au deuxième paragraphe, merci de votre aide.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 25-02-2016 22:20
Pas de rouge/rose, merci.

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Réponse: Nouvelle invention/texte de here4u, postée le 25-02-2016 à 20:00:57 (S | E)
Hello !

Pas d'impatience !
bleu = faux
souligné = mladroit, ne se diraitpas ...
XXXX éléments manquants
(normalement, le vert est bon ! )

I'm going to present you an object which I think, THAT will be very useful, notably for young PEOPLE who HAVE a smartphone, but EVEN for adults or elderly people. Are you sick and tired of don't have network when you are in the mountains? Or skiing ? Or in X REMOTE PLACE ? Or the home ? I'd like to present a small parabolic antenna, My invention will allow you to RECEIVE messages in all of these places.It is half the size of your phone, to use it, you just have to put up your phone in the air and it's good! It is as easy as counting !
This idea came to me because I THOUGHT that I WAS in the same case than a lot of people, I don't have OFTEN NO NETWORKS, I can't even use it for an emergency, or to settle my problems.
My invention is a real breakthrough lige ! It's a mus have !
I think it is a good idea because every type of person has a telephone and that we mainly use XX to send messages and callS je l'ai transformé en nom! but not to play online for GPS when we lost to research ... But why must the networks.This isn't a sentence!) My invention has never been tested.
This will probably be expensive as all that is new but you will regret it! But I can make you an offer if possible.
This product costs 1000 euro for now but it is a great product!

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Réponse: Nouvelle invention/texte de yuki161, postée le 25-02-2016 à 21:33:48 (S | E)
I'm going to present you an object which I think, will be very useful, notably for young PEOPLE who HAVE a smartphone, but EVEN for adults or elderly people. Are you sick and tired of didn't network when you are in the mountains? Or skiing ? Or in THE remote place ? Or the home ? I'd like to present a small parabolic antenna, My invention will allow you to receive messages in all these places.It is half the size of your phone, to use it, you just have to put up your phone in the air and it's good! It is as easy as counting ! 
This idea came to me because I thought I was in the same situation that many people, I don't have OFTEN NO NETWORKS[je trouve pas...],I can't even use MY PHONE for an emergency, or to settle my problems. 
My invention is a real breakthrough life ! It's a must have !
I think it is a good idea because every type of person has a telephone and we mainly use our phones to send messages and callS but not to play online for GPS when we lost, to research ...But why must the networks.[ mais pour ça il faut du réseaux] This isn't a sentence! My invention has never been tested.
This will probably be expensive as all that is new but you will regret it! [Ce sera probablement chère comme tous se qui est nouveau]But I can make you an offer if possible.
This product costs 1000 euro for now but it is a great product!

Désolée, je ne suis pas patiente. C'est gentil de m'aider, merci.
Désolée pour la couleur mais je ne savais pas que le rose était interdit.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 25-02-2016 22:24

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Modifié par yuki161 le 26-02-2016 13:33

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