Temps/bien employés
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Message de brock72 posté le 23-02-2016 à 11:40:21 (S | E | F)
Hello tout le monde !
J'ai écrit un petit texte et je dois faire attention à l'usage des temps dans mon texte. Pouvez-vous me dire si cela va ou me notifier quels sont les problèmes ( et dans quelles parties) s'il vous plait ?
Merci d'avance
!!
In the 40's, New York.
Ana was a 25 year-old woman. She was in a relationship with Georges, a 33 year- old man and they lived in Boston.
3 april 1940 : There was a call on the radio : « Each man of the nation has to come to War ! There is a civil war in the state of New York ! »
Georges and Ana were horrifed. They understood that he had no choice : He had to leave.
Georges said to Ana before leaving : « I love you. I promise that I will be back in 3 weeks. If i'm not, you can conclude that I am dead.
Ana couldn't stop crying but she believed him. She always did and she always will.
2 weeks later.
Ana had followed every news on the radio and tv. She was alone in her house so she decided to join the other woman in the neighborhood. Together, they joined their hopes in the come back of their husbands.
She always stayed in good terms with these woman, especially with Michelle because his husband was a close friend to Georges. Consequently, they could confide to each other and Ana told her that she couldn't bear the idea of losing him.
18 April : “BREAKING NEWS!”
The radio said : “ Fresh and last news from the New York war ! The war is officialy finished ! There were many loss but each man can be proud to have helped the nation. Every man and husband can now come back to their home, find back their family.”
The next day Michelle, in tears, called Ana and told her that she lost her husband. On the contrary, all of their friends haved found back their husband. Then she asked to Ana for Georges, but Georges didn't come back. Ana and Michelle knew what it meant. Georges was surely dead.
Ana didn't want to believe it. She couldn't.
She remembered what she heard on the radio : “ Each man can find his family”. Then Ana told the truth to Michelle : She was pregnant of Georges. She wouldn't be able to live with a child without her husband. Michelle told to Ana that she should go to New York and ask people if they knew where was Georges, alive or dead. She took a picture of him and left.
TODAY, New York
Ana arrived in New York. It's the first time she has come here and everything seemed to be big. She asked people about Georges, but no one has ever seen him. Ana has searched for days in vain.
She decided to look for a job in New York in order to continue his research in the city.
So she found a job as an usherette in a neighborhood of New York.
One Saturday, she recognized a voice and a familiar figure.
He was a man, graying hair, with a young woman.
Approaching him, Ana had a shock: it was Georges.
She didn't know what to do. Should she go talk to him? Asked him why? Why has he never returned? Who was this woman ?
“Shhht. The film was beginning...”
And then she began to cry in the dark ..
------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 23-02-2016 12:11
Message de brock72 posté le 23-02-2016 à 11:40:21 (S | E | F)
Hello tout le monde !
J'ai écrit un petit texte et je dois faire attention à l'usage des temps dans mon texte. Pouvez-vous me dire si cela va ou me notifier quels sont les problèmes ( et dans quelles parties) s'il vous plait ?
Merci d'avance
!!In the 40's, New York.
Ana was a 25 year-old woman. She was in a relationship with Georges, a 33 year- old man and they lived in Boston.
3 april 1940 : There was a call on the radio : « Each man of the nation has to come to War ! There is a civil war in the state of New York ! »
Georges and Ana were horrifed. They understood that he had no choice : He had to leave.
Georges said to Ana before leaving : « I love you. I promise that I will be back in 3 weeks. If i'm not, you can conclude that I am dead.
Ana couldn't stop crying but she believed him. She always did and she always will.
2 weeks later.
Ana had followed every news on the radio and tv. She was alone in her house so she decided to join the other woman in the neighborhood. Together, they joined their hopes in the come back of their husbands.
She always stayed in good terms with these woman, especially with Michelle because his husband was a close friend to Georges. Consequently, they could confide to each other and Ana told her that she couldn't bear the idea of losing him.
18 April : “BREAKING NEWS!”
The radio said : “ Fresh and last news from the New York war ! The war is officialy finished ! There were many loss but each man can be proud to have helped the nation. Every man and husband can now come back to their home, find back their family.”
The next day Michelle, in tears, called Ana and told her that she lost her husband. On the contrary, all of their friends haved found back their husband. Then she asked to Ana for Georges, but Georges didn't come back. Ana and Michelle knew what it meant. Georges was surely dead.
Ana didn't want to believe it. She couldn't.
She remembered what she heard on the radio : “ Each man can find his family”. Then Ana told the truth to Michelle : She was pregnant of Georges. She wouldn't be able to live with a child without her husband. Michelle told to Ana that she should go to New York and ask people if they knew where was Georges, alive or dead. She took a picture of him and left.
TODAY, New York
Ana arrived in New York. It's the first time she has come here and everything seemed to be big. She asked people about Georges, but no one has ever seen him. Ana has searched for days in vain.
She decided to look for a job in New York in order to continue his research in the city.
So she found a job as an usherette in a neighborhood of New York.
One Saturday, she recognized a voice and a familiar figure.
He was a man, graying hair, with a young woman.
Approaching him, Ana had a shock: it was Georges.
She didn't know what to do. Should she go talk to him? Asked him why? Why has he never returned? Who was this woman ?
“Shhht. The film was beginning...”
And then she began to cry in the dark ..
------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 23-02-2016 12:11
Réponse: Temps/bien employés de gerondif, postée le 24-02-2016 à 18:38:19 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Ma première correction a disparu avec votre première mouture.
erreurs en bleu, corrections en vert.
In the 40's, New York.
Ana was a 25 year-old woman. She was in a relationship with Georges, a 33-year- old man and they lived in Boston.
3 april 1940 : There was a call on the radio : « Each man of the nation has to come to War ! There is a civil war in the state of New York ! »
Georges and Ana were horrifed. They understood that he had no choice : He had to leave.
Georges said to Ana before leaving : « I love you. I promise that I will be back in 3 weeks. If i'm not, you can conclude that I am dead.
Ana couldn't stop crying but she believed him. She always did and she always will(conditionnel pour la concordance).
2 weeks later.
Ana had followed every piece of news on the radio and tv. She was alone in her house so she decided to join the other woman(pluriel) in the neighborhood. Together, they joined their hopes in the come(gérondif) back of their husbands.
She always stayed (plus que parfait) in good terms with these woman(pluriel), especially with Michelle because his (= son mari à lui) husband was a close friend to Georges. Consequently, they could confide to each other and Ana told her that she couldn't bear the idea of losing him.
18 April : “BREAKING NEWS!”
The radio said : “ Fresh and last news from the New York war ! The war is officialy finished ! There were many loss(pluriel) but each man can be proud to have helped the nation. Every man and husband can now come back to their home, find back(find again existe, find back, pas sûr)their family.”
The next day Michelle, in tears, called Ana and told her that she lost(plus que parfait) her husband. On the contrary(ne convient pas), all of their friends haved(aïe) found back their husband(pluriel). Then she asked
Ana didn't want to believe it. She couldn't.
She remembered what she heard(plus que parfait) on the radio : “ Each man can find his family”. Then Ana told the truth to Michelle : She was pregnant of Georges. She wouldn't be able to live with a child without her husband. Michelle told
TODAY, New York (today ne va pas avec les temps passés qui suivent)
Ana arrived (plus que parfait)in New York. It's(prétérit) the first time she has come(plus que parfait) here and everything seemed to be big. She asked people about Georges, but no one has(plus que parfait)
She decided to look for a job in New York in order to continue his (féminin)research in the city.
So she found a job as an usherette in a neighborhood of New York.
One Saturday, she recognized a voice and a familiar figure.
Approaching him, Ana had a shock: it was Georges.
She didn't know what to do. Should she go talk to him? Asked(infinitif) him why? Why has(plus que parfait) he never returned? Who was this woman ?
“Shhht. The film was beginning...”
And then she began to cry in the dark ..
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