Correction /CV
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Message de arnaudirlande posté le 25-09-2014 à 12:49:32 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à Tous !
(Je m'excuse par avance si ce sujet n'a pas sa place ici)
Je m'appel Arnaud, j'ai 22 ans et je suis récemment venu m'installer en Irlande pour 1 an afin d’améliorer mon anglais (qui est pour le moment très moyen...
) J'ai besoin de trouver un job mais j'ai peur que les erreurs sur mon CV me fassent louper des opportunités.
J'en appelle donc à votre savoir et votre sympathie pour corriger mon CV ! Merci d'avance
Education
2011-2013 BTS technical sales in food products
Lycée XXX, xxx, france
2009-2011 BAC sales with pet shop option
LHRP XXX, xxx, france
2007-2009 BEP cat and dog breeding
XXX, xxx, france
Work History
Horticultural worker
July 2014 – August 2014 ♦ XXX
Operation of seedlings plants, of cutting the flowers, weeding and replacing pots for their development.
Commercial agent
March 2014 – June 2014 ♦ XXX
Intermediary in the sale of credit card for the Carrefour bank group. Using catchphrase to accost customers, product presentation and argument with marketing methods, answer customer questions and transfer at banker to finalize the sale.
Fish seller
December 2013 ♦ XXX
Sale and advice for the preparations of products, Implementation of the stall with uses of the various marketing methods to attract the customer and increase sales. Animation and tasting sushi in the central aisle of the store. Taking orders for trays of seafood and cleaning rooms
Factory worker
July 2013 ♦ XXX
To provide production lines with bottles, work has the chain, to pack products in cardboard and to put them on pallets
Fish seller
July 2012 – August 2012 and December 2013 ♦ fish store “XXX”
Sales and advice in the store and on the market place, creating a study of customer satisfaction. This study allowed to improve the visibility of the company with the creation of signboard and the offer in store. Product preparation and implementation of the stall.
Pet shop seller
July 2011 ♦ pet shop “Les serres de bon pain”
Animal sales and advising clients with additional sales to increase the average price per customer. Showcasing products to make them more attractive, feeding and care of animals, shelving and cleaning rooms.
Horticultural worker
July 2009 ♦ farm “XXX”
Collecting of the blackcurrant and the raspberries, cleaning and put in box of the production
Kennel Worker
July 2008 ♦ dog breeding “XXX”
Seasonal worker for boarding kennels, walking dogs and cleaning of box for their comfort. Feeding. obedience dog activity to request of the owners and the visit of the places for the customers.
Technical Skills
• Word, Excel, PowerPoint, office
Personal Details
• Driving license
• French mother tongue
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Modifié par lucile83 le 25-09-2014 17:36
Message de arnaudirlande posté le 25-09-2014 à 12:49:32 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à Tous !
(Je m'excuse par avance si ce sujet n'a pas sa place ici)
Je m'appel Arnaud, j'ai 22 ans et je suis récemment venu m'installer en Irlande pour 1 an afin d’améliorer mon anglais (qui est pour le moment très moyen...
) J'ai besoin de trouver un job mais j'ai peur que les erreurs sur mon CV me fassent louper des opportunités. J'en appelle donc à votre savoir et votre sympathie pour corriger mon CV ! Merci d'avance
Education
2011-2013 BTS technical sales in food products
Lycée XXX, xxx, france
2009-2011 BAC sales with pet shop option
LHRP XXX, xxx, france
2007-2009 BEP cat and dog breeding
XXX, xxx, france
Work History
Horticultural worker
July 2014 – August 2014 ♦ XXX
Operation of seedlings plants, of cutting the flowers, weeding and replacing pots for their development.
Commercial agent
March 2014 – June 2014 ♦ XXX
Intermediary in the sale of credit card for the Carrefour bank group. Using catchphrase to accost customers, product presentation and argument with marketing methods, answer customer questions and transfer at banker to finalize the sale.
Fish seller
December 2013 ♦ XXX
Sale and advice for the preparations of products, Implementation of the stall with uses of the various marketing methods to attract the customer and increase sales. Animation and tasting sushi in the central aisle of the store. Taking orders for trays of seafood and cleaning rooms
Factory worker
July 2013 ♦ XXX
To provide production lines with bottles, work has the chain, to pack products in cardboard and to put them on pallets
Fish seller
July 2012 – August 2012 and December 2013 ♦ fish store “XXX”
Sales and advice in the store and on the market place, creating a study of customer satisfaction. This study allowed to improve the visibility of the company with the creation of signboard and the offer in store. Product preparation and implementation of the stall.
Pet shop seller
July 2011 ♦ pet shop “Les serres de bon pain”
Animal sales and advising clients with additional sales to increase the average price per customer. Showcasing products to make them more attractive, feeding and care of animals, shelving and cleaning rooms.
Horticultural worker
July 2009 ♦ farm “XXX”
Collecting of the blackcurrant and the raspberries, cleaning and put in box of the production
Kennel Worker
July 2008 ♦ dog breeding “XXX”
Seasonal worker for boarding kennels, walking dogs and cleaning of box for their comfort. Feeding. obedience dog activity to request of the owners and the visit of the places for the customers.
Technical Skills
• Word, Excel, PowerPoint, office
Personal Details
• Driving license
• French mother tongue
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 25-09-2014 17:36
Réponse: Correction /CV de bluestar, postée le 25-09-2014 à 15:36:28 (S | E)
Education
2011-2013 BTS technical sales in food products
Lycée XXX, xxx, Ffrance
2009-2011 BAC sales with pet shop option
LHRP XXX, xxx, Ffrance
2007-2009 BEP cat and dog breeding
XXX, xxx, Ffrance
Work History
Horticultural worker
July 2014 – August 2014 ♦ XXX
Operation of seedlings plants, of cutting the flowers, weeding and replacing pots for their development.
Commercial agent
March 2014 – June 2014 ♦ XXX
Intermediary in the sale of credit card (pluriel) for the Carrefour bank group. Using catchphrase to accost customers, product presentation and argument (agreement?) with marketing methods, answer (ing) customer questions and transfer(ing) at banker
to finalize the sale.Fish seller
December 2013 ♦ XXX
Sale and advice for the preparations of products, Implementation of the stall with uses of the various marketing methods to attract the customer and increase sales. Animation
and tasting sushi in the central aisle of the store. Taking orders for trays of seafood and cleaning roomsFactory worker
July 2013 ♦ XXX
To provide production lines with bottles, work has the chain, to pack products in cardboard and to put them on pallets
Fish seller
July 2012 – August 2012 and December 2013 ♦ fish store “XXX”
Sales and advice in the store and on the market place, creating a study of customer satisfaction. This study allowed (qui? il manque l'objet) to improve the visibility of the company with the creation of signboard and the offer(pluriel) in store. Product preparation and implementation of the stall.
Pet shop seller
July 2011 ♦ pet shop “Les serres de bon pain”
Animal sales and advising clients with additional sales to increase the average price per customer. Showcasing products to make them more attractive, feeding and care of animals, shelving and cleaning rooms.
Horticultural worker
July 2009 ♦ farm “XXX”
Collecting of the blackcurrant and the raspberries, cleaning and put in box of the production
'Picking, cleaning, and boxing raspberries etc'..serait mieux ici
Kennel Worker
July 2008 ♦ dog breeding “XXX”
Seasonal worker for boarding kennels, walking dogs and cleaning of box for their comfort. Feeding. Oobedience training
Technical Skills
• Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Ooffice
Personal Details
• Driving license
• French mother tongue
Bonjour..
J'ai fait quelques suggestions ci-dessus. Vous devez vous rappeler que les noms propres en anglais commence toujours par une majuscule (France pas france, etc)
Bonne chance!
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Modifié par bluestar le 25-09-2014 15:37
Réponse: Correction /CV de arnaudirlande, postée le 25-09-2014 à 16:26:16 (S | E)
Tout d'abord je vous dis un grand merci pour votre réponse !
- pour "argument" je peux peut-être remplacer par "argumentation" non ?
- pour le
sur "banker" je voulais dire : et transférer à un banquier pour finaliser la vente- pour le
sur "animation" je voulais dire : Animation et dégustation de sushi dans l'allée central du magasin - pour "this study allowed..." je peux remplacer study par "survey" pour parler de l’enquête de satisfaction ?
- et pour "visit of the places" je voulais dire : et visite des lieux (de l'élevage de chien) pour les clients.
Encore merci pour toutes ces précisions !
Réponse: Correction /CV de bluestar, postée le 26-09-2014 à 00:18:32 (S | E)
Bonsoir..
Je suggère..
1. ..developing marketing methods...
2..lodgement of sales proceeds...
3...organisation of sushi-tasting etc..,
4..this study made it possible....
5...visiting dog-breeding sites...
Note...
Le mot "animation" ne signifie pas la même chose en anglais comme en français.Par conséquent, il est ce que nous appelons "un faux ami" .
Réponse: Correction /CV de arnaudirlande, postée le 28-09-2014 à 14:02:17 (S | E)
Bonjour =)
Je vous remercie pour vos réponses !
Je vais maintenant pouvoir me consacrer activement a ma recherche d'emploi !
Merci et a bientôt
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