Oral / espaces et échange
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Message de snoopy181 posté le 18-05-2013 à 16:50:55 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
je passe mon oral d'anglais très prochainement et je serais ravie si quelqu'un avait un peu de temps à me consacrer. S'il vous plait pouvez-vous m'aider à la correction de mon texte?
Merci d'avance
Among the whole of propositions offered by the notion "spaces and exchanges", I chose to speak about the immigration and mainly in the United States. "A nation of immigrants" describes the United States well since everybody there is either an immigrant or a descendant of immigrants. First, I would like to talk about these people who become immigrants, secondly I will talk about the American attitude toward these phenomena and as a conclusion I will give you my point of view.
When America was discovered millions of Europeans left their countries of origin to start a new-life in the other side of Atlantic. However, even today, United States is a country which continues to attract the people.
How not to be attracted by the American culture which is present everywhere, by the American lifestyle and by its consumer society when you come from a country where there is a huge poverty. That’s why average number of immigrants keeps rising and most come from South America, they have mainly Mexican background. In 1900 there were about 500,000. Their number is now 43Millions and 17% of them are undocumented and 40% are foreign-born. In fact in their country they have few opportunity, they know that their children will not have a better future because they can’t afford to send them to school. They dream to leave their country to break the cycle of poverty. Either they hide in the back of trucks or they walk across the desert. Once they reach the other side, they have to find jobs. Most of them work in fields or as cleaners.
But not all immigrants are poor and illiterate. In some science universities over 50% of students are foreigners. Many of them choose to stay in the United States after their studies to work in high tech industries.
United States have a paradoxical attitude toward these immigrants. On the one hand they try to prevent them from coming, even by building a fence along the border. On the other hand they need immigrants to do poorly paying jobs that their citizens now refuse to do and to help them to lead the world of science. The American economy could not do without immigrants
To conclude, I personally wonder if their life in the United States is really better than the one they might have in their country of origin since they earn too little money to live in good conditions. Indeed it is harder for them to integrate and they face discrimination because they don’t share a common culture with their new country. Moreover, the brain drain causes serious problems because they don’t have the opportunity to develop for themselves.
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Modifié par snoopy181 le 18-05-2013 16:55
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Modifié par lucile83 le 18-05-2013 17:12
Message de snoopy181 posté le 18-05-2013 à 16:50:55 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
je passe mon oral d'anglais très prochainement et je serais ravie si quelqu'un avait un peu de temps à me consacrer. S'il vous plait pouvez-vous m'aider à la correction de mon texte?
Merci d'avance
Among the whole of propositions offered by the notion "spaces and exchanges", I chose to speak about the immigration and mainly in the United States. "A nation of immigrants" describes the United States well since everybody there is either an immigrant or a descendant of immigrants. First, I would like to talk about these people who become immigrants, secondly I will talk about the American attitude toward these phenomena and as a conclusion I will give you my point of view.
When America was discovered millions of Europeans left their countries of origin to start a new-life in the other side of Atlantic. However, even today, United States is a country which continues to attract the people.
How not to be attracted by the American culture which is present everywhere, by the American lifestyle and by its consumer society when you come from a country where there is a huge poverty. That’s why average number of immigrants keeps rising and most come from South America, they have mainly Mexican background. In 1900 there were about 500,000. Their number is now 43Millions and 17% of them are undocumented and 40% are foreign-born. In fact in their country they have few opportunity, they know that their children will not have a better future because they can’t afford to send them to school. They dream to leave their country to break the cycle of poverty. Either they hide in the back of trucks or they walk across the desert. Once they reach the other side, they have to find jobs. Most of them work in fields or as cleaners.
But not all immigrants are poor and illiterate. In some science universities over 50% of students are foreigners. Many of them choose to stay in the United States after their studies to work in high tech industries.
United States have a paradoxical attitude toward these immigrants. On the one hand they try to prevent them from coming, even by building a fence along the border. On the other hand they need immigrants to do poorly paying jobs that their citizens now refuse to do and to help them to lead the world of science. The American economy could not do without immigrants
To conclude, I personally wonder if their life in the United States is really better than the one they might have in their country of origin since they earn too little money to live in good conditions. Indeed it is harder for them to integrate and they face discrimination because they don’t share a common culture with their new country. Moreover, the brain drain causes serious problems because they don’t have the opportunity to develop for themselves.
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Modifié par snoopy181 le 18-05-2013 16:55
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Modifié par lucile83 le 18-05-2013 17:12
Réponse: Oral / espaces et échange de hushpuppy, postée le 21-05-2013 à 13:33:30 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Il y a des corrections en bleu et les mots suggérés en vert
Among the whole of propositions offered by the notion "spaces and exchanges", I chose to speak about
When America was discovered, millions of Europeans left their countries of origin to start a new-life in the other side of Atlantic. However, even today, (artcile) United States is a country which continues to attract the people. How not to be attracted by the American culture which is present everywhere, by the American lifestyle and by its consumer society when you come from a country where there is a huge poverty. That’s why (article défini) average number of immigrants keeps rising with most of them coming from South America(comment les personnes viennent d’Amérique du Sud mais ils sont du Mexique?), they have mainly Mexican roots. In 1900 there were about 500,000 (de quoi?). Their number is now 43 millions(singulier avec un nombre défini) with 17%
Though some immigrants are poor and illiterate, called the brain drain
, in some science universities over 50% of students are foreigners. Many of them choose to stay in the United States after their studies to work in high tech industries.(article) United States have(3ème personne singulier, c'est seulement un pays) a paradoxical attitude toward these immigrants. On the one hand they try to prevent them from coming, even by building a fence along the border. On the other hand they need immigrants to do poorly paying jobs that their citizens now refuse to do and to help them to lead the world of science. The American economy could not do it without immigrants
To conclude, I personally wonder if their life(pluriel) in the United States is(3ème personne pluriel) really better than the one(pluriel) they might have in their country of origin since they earn too little money to live in good conditions. Indeed it is harder for them to integrate and they face discrimination because they don’t share a common culture with their new country. Moreover, the brain drain causes serious problems because they don’t have the opportunity to develop for themselves.
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