English /correction

English /correction
Message from pepita27 posted on 27-12-2012 at 17:59:01 (D | E | F)
Good morning,

For school I have to present 5 articles chosen about Health. I've finished my file but I'm not sure about the grammar of my conclusion, could you have a look on?
Thank you for your help.

Conclusion

In conclusion thanks to this presentation we can affirm that to keep a good health it's better:
as regards preterm babies to avoid planned caesarian sections, IVF pregnancies and smoking.

We also see that people who drink alcohol and smoke have less risks of mouth and throat cancer if they drink 4 cups of coffee.

Moreover it's better not to drink energy drinks which are bad for heart attacks caused by the component called Taurine
If you jog, it's adviced jogging outside cities and pollution.

And finally if you feel difficulties to fall asleep, it's maybe because your room is not dark enough or hot enough and to do 20 minutes a day of exercises can allow have a good night.
Thank you for your attention.

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Edited by lucile83 on 27-12-2012 18:47

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Re: English /correction from port58, posted on 28-12-2012 at 22:01:44 (D | E)
xxxxxx

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Edited by lucile83 on 28-12-2012 22:44
That is off the subject,sorry.

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Re: English /correction from joujo19, posted on 29-12-2012 at 16:33:37 (D | E)
Hello, I think that your conclusion is off the subject; there is no coherence there.

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Edited by lucile83 on 29-12-2012 22:34

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Re: English /correction from pepita27, posted on 29-12-2012 at 20:11:09 (D | E)
Hello,
I thought writing a summary with the essential points of my articles could be good. . . but regarding the grammar are there any errors?
Thank you for your opinion.

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Edited by lucile83 on 29-12-2012 22:35

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Re: English /correction from bluestar, posted on 30-12-2012 at 15:32:20 (D | E)
Bonjour...

In conclusion thanks to this presentation we can affirm that to keep a good health (en anglais pas d'article est utilisé avant un substantif abstrait, par exemple: "health" pas "a health") it's better:
as regards preterm babies to avoid planned caesarian sections, IVF pregnancies and smoking.(Cela prête à confusion. Il vaut mieux dire: "pour réduire le risque de ... les femmes enceintes devraient ....")

We also see that people who drink alcohol and smoke have less risks of mouth and throat cancer if they drink 4 cups of coffee.(combien de fois?) Moreover it's better not to drink energy drinks which are bad for (reformuler) heart attacks caused by the component called Taurine
If you jog, it's adviced jogging (il faut l'infinitif ici) outside cities and pollution.

And finally if you feel ('avoir' serait mieux) difficulties to fall ("in +verbe-ing") asleep, it's maybe because your room is not dark enough or hot enough (fin de la phrase). ]...(Nouvellle phrase) and to do 20 minutes a day of exercises can allow have ('aider' + prenom + l'infinitif)a good night.

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Edited by lucile83 on 30-12-2012 18:58

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Re: English /correction from pepita27, posted on 05-01-2013 at 13:18:33 (D | E)
Merci d'avoir répondu! J'ai encore une petite question, j'hésite toujours entre for + ing ou to + infinitif, dans le cas ci-dessous au lieu de to keep good health j'ai mis for keeping good health, est ce que c'est correct aussi?
Et dans votre correction pour to fall asleep, c'est donc for falling asleep? car je ne comprends pas ce que vous vouliez dire..
Merci par avance

In conclusion thanks to this presentation we can affirm that for keeping good health it's better:
To reduce the number of preterm birth, pregnant women shoud avoid planned caesarian sections, IVF pregnancies and smoking.
We also see that people who drink alcohol and smoke have less risks of mouth and throat cancer if they drink 4 cups of coffee,
Moreover it is better not to drink energy drinks which are bad for heart attacks caused by the component called Taurine.
If you jog, it's adviced jogging outside cities and pollution
And finally if you have difficulties to fall asleep, maybe it's because your room is not dark enough or hot enough. And finally to do 20 minutes a day of exercises can help people have a good night.
Thank you for your attention.

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Re: English /correction from sherry48, posted on 05-01-2013 at 15:37:42 (D | E)
Hello.

You should repost after you make the corrections suggested by bluestar.
Please note advice is not a verb; it is a noun.
'Keep good health' sounds a little unnatural...other possibilities..stay healthy...maintain good health
I would say...if you have difficulty falling asleep
It's maybe because would be better as...it may be because...
Consider using exercise as the verb in this phrase: 'to do 20 minutes a day of exercises'.
Sherry

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Edited by sherry48 on 05-01-2013 15:38

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Re: English /correction from bluestar, posted on 05-01-2013 at 16:28:44 (D | E)
Hello,

In conclusion thanks to this presentation we can affirm that for keeping (see Sherry's suggestion) good health it's better:
To reduce the number risk of preterm birth, pregnant women should avoid planned caesarian sections, IVF pregnancies and smoking.

S'ils fument et vont avoir une césarienne ou un traitement de IVF, ils devraient arrêter de fumer à l'avance (a traduire)

We also see that people who drink alcohol and smoke have less risks of mouth and throat cancer if they drink 4 cups of coffee,(tous les jours? chaque semaine?)

Moreover it is better not to drink energy drinks which are bad for heart attacks caused by contain the component called Taurine. Ils constituent un danger pour le cœur (a traduire)

If you jog, it's adviced (advis----) jogging (infinitive) outside cities and pollution
And finally Iif you have difficulties (singulier) to fall in falling asleep, maybe it's because your room is not dark enough or hot enough. And finally to do 20 minutes a day of exercises can help people have a good night.
Thank you for your attention.

Edited by lucile83 on 05-01-2013 18:58
Oops, no French in the Only English Forum.

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