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Lettre motivation /correction
Message de denisdenis posté le 17-05-2012 à 21:49:25 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je viens de rédiger une lettre de motivation pour un poste à l'étranger en VIE.
Je suis preneur de tout commentaire/correction/amélioration!
Merci pour votre aide.
May, 17th 2012
Object: Application for the position of Network Administrator
Référence : VIE/
Dear Mr. Blabla,
The dynamism of your company and my personal motivations and ambitions lead me to fill the position you advertised on civiweb for Network Administrator in New York.
My engineering education specializing in Computer Networks & Communications at INSA (France) consolidated me in my desire to integrate your company. I have this education in sandwich courses at the Engineering Department of Computer, Systems and Telecoms at XXX Group as a specialist engineering services.
My academic background and my experience in my company allowed me to gain qualifications to work in complex environments. The success of projects I have been entrusted as the renewal of the DNS architecture, the establishment of an antivirus solution in real time or training to employees are just some examples that make me a candidate motivated in his work that can integrate seamlessly with your team. The international aspect of the job is for me a logical extension of my personal experiences as my internship in England.
My participation in the organization of events and my involvement in community related to the world of computer security and new technologies are additional proof which demonstrating my commitment to this position of System Administrator that matches my expectations.
Available for interview, I hope that my background and my motivation hold your attention. I look forward to hearing from you very soon.
Sincerely Yours,
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 17-05-2012 22:33
Message de denisdenis posté le 17-05-2012 à 21:49:25 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je viens de rédiger une lettre de motivation pour un poste à l'étranger en VIE.
Je suis preneur de tout commentaire/correction/amélioration!
Merci pour votre aide.
May, 17th 2012
Object: Application for the position of Network Administrator
Référence : VIE/
Dear Mr. Blabla,
The dynamism of your company and my personal motivations and ambitions lead me to fill the position you advertised on civiweb for Network Administrator in New York.
My engineering education specializing in Computer Networks & Communications at INSA (France) consolidated me in my desire to integrate your company. I have this education in sandwich courses at the Engineering Department of Computer, Systems and Telecoms at XXX Group as a specialist engineering services.
My academic background and my experience in my company allowed me to gain qualifications to work in complex environments. The success of projects I have been entrusted as the renewal of the DNS architecture, the establishment of an antivirus solution in real time or training to employees are just some examples that make me a candidate motivated in his work that can integrate seamlessly with your team. The international aspect of the job is for me a logical extension of my personal experiences as my internship in England.
My participation in the organization of events and my involvement in community related to the world of computer security and new technologies are additional proof which demonstrating my commitment to this position of System Administrator that matches my expectations.
Available for interview, I hope that my background and my motivation hold your attention. I look forward to hearing from you very soon.
Sincerely Yours,
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 17-05-2012 22:33
Réponse: Lettre motivation /correction de ultiva31, postée le 17-05-2012 à 22:54:19 (S | E)
Hello
What's your degree of INSA,DNS what is this.
Actually, the computer select the resume and cover letter.Maybe could you looking for the key words for Network Administrator job on the web.
Network Administrator
supportingadvancement.com/employment/job_descriptions/network_administrator.htm
See you
Bye
Christia
Réponse: Lettre motivation /correction de denisdenis, postée le 18-05-2012 à 12:14:38 (S | E)
Hi Christia,
INSA is a Master degree in Engineering.
DNS is an acronym for "Domain Name System". The person who receives my application knows that acronym.
I will send this cover letter with my resume.
Thanks !
Réponse: Lettre motivation /correction de sherry48, postée le 18-05-2012 à 14:08:02 (S | E)
Hello.
Here are a few suggestions.
...lead me to fill the position ...a different verb...your letter isn't filling the position, it is an application.
....as a specialist engineering services. This doesn't work. You could change it, or maybe you only need a preposition.
The success of projects I have been entrusted ___, ____ as the renewal of ... or training to employees ...
My participation in the organization of events and my involvement in ____ community ...are additional proof which demonstrating
Available for interview, I hope that my background and my motivation hold your attention. I suggest starting with 'I hope,' and making a separate sentence after that with 'available for ___ interview'.
Have a nice day. Sherry
Réponse: Lettre motivation /correction de sejong, postée le 18-05-2012 à 19:00:29 (S | E)
Bonjour, comme denisdenis j'ai rédigé une lettre de motivation, mais pour une université. J'aimerai donc que vous me donniez votre avis (bon et mauvais ^^)
C'est très important donc merci pour votre aide
voilà :
"Central European University
Nador u. 9
1051 Budapest
Hungary (en haut à gauche)
Jérémy GRAVIER
Le Bouton d’Or
56340 CARNAC
FRANCE
tel
Email: ***@****pour votre sécurité, les adresses emails sont interdites sur le site, merci de communiquer par messages privés****
votre sécurité, les adresses emails sont interdites sur le site, merci de communiquer par messages privés****
(plus bas à droite)
Dear Sir or Madam
Re: Statement of Purpose
Highly motivated to study abroad, I have decided to put together an application for International mobility. After having reviewed the range of opportunities to do a foreign master’s degree, I have chosen the university of Kozep-Europai Egyetem in Budapest, for the year 2012-2013.
Currently holder of a BA in History and Archaeology from the University Rennes II, Dynamic, conscientious and determined, I would like to make my application for the Erasmus exchange programme in your university. Besides, my wish to enter a job in Heritage and Tourist information seems to fit with a course in European History, especially in Medieval, offered by the Central European University of Budapest.
Furthermore, having the opportunity to spend a year in a country like Hungary and in prestigious university like yours, where the lessons are in English, can be a significant advantage for my linguistic improvement. Of course, such an exchange can only be a tremendous personal and intellectual enrichment. Moreover, as international city, Budapest, can offer multicultural opportunities I could capitalize on. I am convinced that studying in your education system would be profitable and allow me to experience different ways to work on History.
Thank you for the attention you give to my application. Do not hesitate to contact me on the mentioned e-mail address for more details.
Yours Faithfully.
GRAVIER Jérémy"
encore merci.
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