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Lettre /sport USA
Message de fays77 posté le 29-04-2011 à 19:22:53 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Voulant intégrer une université américaine, j'ai écrit une lettre à l'attention d'un coach de soccer aux USA et j'aimerais savoir si elle est claire et lisible, donc j'aimerais avoir votre point de vue quant à cette lettre et corriger mes éventuelles erreurs.
Hello Sir,
My name is Fayçal, I'm eighteen, I live in France, I'm a young soccer player.
I play soccer since the age of six years. At the age of fifteen I entered a training center of soccer,
the Chamois Niortais FC, a professional club second division (Ligue 2), ranked sixteenth out of thirty-two of the best training center in France, during two years.
Then, the next year, I joined the Valenciennes FC, professional club first division (ligue 1).
I followed three years of training in professional structures and and it allowed me to grow both technically, tactically and physically.
I would like to integrate your university, I am currently in my final year of high school,
I will pass my exams of the high school graduate economic and social in June, my overall average is around 13 and I have a good level of English. I have the opportunity to continue high-level soccer in France but I attach great importance to study, so an American university would be the ideal compromise because there is no better ally for both elite sport and study.
My playing position is Striker/attacking midfielder, my style of play allows me to combine power and technical ease.
Personal information:
Date of birth: 07/02/1993 (at Paris)
Height: 5 ft 10 1⁄2 in
Weight: 160.9 pounds
Best foot: Left
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Modifié par lucile83 le 29-04-2011 21:47
+ forum
Message de fays77 posté le 29-04-2011 à 19:22:53 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Voulant intégrer une université américaine, j'ai écrit une lettre à l'attention d'un coach de soccer aux USA et j'aimerais savoir si elle est claire et lisible, donc j'aimerais avoir votre point de vue quant à cette lettre et corriger mes éventuelles erreurs.
Hello Sir,
My name is Fayçal, I'm eighteen, I live in France, I'm a young soccer player.
I play soccer since the age of six years. At the age of fifteen I entered a training center of soccer,
the Chamois Niortais FC, a professional club second division (Ligue 2), ranked sixteenth out of thirty-two of the best training center in France, during two years.
Then, the next year, I joined the Valenciennes FC, professional club first division (ligue 1).
I followed three years of training in professional structures and and it allowed me to grow both technically, tactically and physically.
I would like to integrate your university, I am currently in my final year of high school,
I will pass my exams of the high school graduate economic and social in June, my overall average is around 13 and I have a good level of English. I have the opportunity to continue high-level soccer in France but I attach great importance to study, so an American university would be the ideal compromise because there is no better ally for both elite sport and study.
My playing position is Striker/attacking midfielder, my style of play allows me to combine power and technical ease.
Personal information:
Date of birth: 07/02/1993 (at Paris)
Height: 5 ft 10 1⁄2 in
Weight: 160.9 pounds
Best foot: Left
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 29-04-2011 21:47
+ forum
Réponse: Lettre /sport USA de notrepere, postée le 30-04-2011 à 00:01:03 (S | E)
HelloMy name is Fayçal, I'm eighteen, I live in France, I'm a young soccer player. (1)
I play (2) soccer since the age of six years (3). At the age of fifteen (4) I entered a training center of soccer,
the Chamois Niortais FC, a professional club second division (Ligue 2), ranked sixteenth out of thirty-two of the best training center in France, during two years (5).
Then, the next year, (6) I joined the Valenciennes FC, professional club first division (ligue 1).
I followed three years of training in professional structures and and it (7) allowed me to grow
I would like to integrate your university (8), I am currently in my final year of high school,
(1) These facts are obvious. Make the other changes listed below and perhaps we can look at a more professional start to your letter.
(2) Because you want to emphasize the length of time that you have played soccer, you should use the Present Perfect Continuous
(3) Je dirais: since I was six years old ou since the age of six. (sans "years")
(4) When I was fifteen, [...]
(5) Je dirais: When I was fifteen, I entered the Chomois Niortais FC soccer training center for two years, which is a professional second division (League 2) club ranked sixteenth out of thirty-two of the best training centers in France.
(6) The following year, [...]
(7) Thus, I have completed three years in professional training clubs which has
(8) Cette phrase ne va pas. Je dirais: As I am currently finishing my senior year of high school, I am applying to your University and I am hoping to be accepted.
Cordialement
Réponse: Lettre /sport USA de may, postée le 30-04-2011 à 03:06:05 (S | E)
Hello,
A small touch
...allowed me to grow/ fully develop ....
Cordially
Réponse: Lettre /sport USA de fays77, postée le 30-04-2011 à 12:53:43 (S | E)
Je vous remercie de votre aide et de vos rectifications
Cordialement
Fayçal
Réponse: Lettre /sport USA de christian42, postée le 06-05-2011 à 21:16:13 (S | E)
Hello Sir (1),
My name is Fayçal, I'm eighteen, I live in France, I'm a young soccer player.
I (2)play soccer since the age of six years. At the age of fifteen I entered(3) a training center of soccer, the Chamois Niortais FC, a professional club second division (Ligue 2), ranked sixteenth out of thirty-two of the best training (4)center in France, during two years.
Then, the (5)next year, I joined the Valenciennes FC, professional club first division (ligue 1).
I (6)followed three years of training in professional structures and and it (7)allowed me to grow both technically, tactically and physically.
I would like to integrate your university, I am currently in my final year of high school,
I will (8)pass my exams of the high school graduate economic and social in June, my overall average is around 13 and I have a good level of English. I have the opportunity to continue high-level soccer in France but I (9)attach great importance to study, so an American university would be the ideal compromise because there is no better ally for both elite sport and study.
My playing position is Striker/attacking midfielder, my style of play (10)allows me to combine power and technical ease.
(11)Yours faithfully.
(1)Dear Sir
(2)have been playing
(3)joined
(4)centers
(5)following
(6)underwent
(7)enabled
(8)sit for
(9)see, consider of a
(10)enables
(11) Yours faithfully.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 06-05-2011 21:31
It must be too late I am afraid.
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