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Lettre de motivation
Message de dasutal posté le 24-03-2011 à 20:31:00 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,
j'aurais souhaité savoir si ma lettre de motivation pour un emploi de serveur comporte des fautes et si elle est bien structurée.
Voici la lettre:
I am writing to you to apply for the position of waiter. To finish my school year I have to make an internship of june to july.
At present, I’m a student of the program called Bachelor Management in the Business School of XXXXX. I’m very interested by that job because it will allow me to discover all the hotel’s characteristics and to improve my skills in English.
Dynamics and rigorous, I involve completely in all the try (ou stains) which are assigned (ou confided) to me. Although I don’t have any experience in the sector of tourism and restoration, I realized an internship in the bank of Credit Agricole of XXXXX, next to XXXXX. Furthermore, this year, I participate at some student shows (ou lounges), therefore (ou thus) thanks to it; I have developed skills in communication, in the way to speak at people.
I am available for an interview.
Please find my résumé enclosed
I am looking forward to hearing from you soon
Les mots que j'ai mis entre parenthèsesc'est sont ceux avec pour lesquels j'hésite.
Merci d'avance pour votre aide.
Cordialement.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 24-03-2011 20:44
+ forum
Message de dasutal posté le 24-03-2011 à 20:31:00 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,
j'aurais souhaité savoir si ma lettre de motivation pour un emploi de serveur comporte des fautes et si elle est bien structurée.
Voici la lettre:
I am writing to you to apply for the position of waiter. To finish my school year I have to make an internship of june to july.
At present, I’m a student of the program called Bachelor Management in the Business School of XXXXX. I’m very interested by that job because it will allow me to discover all the hotel’s characteristics and to improve my skills in English.
Dynamics and rigorous, I involve completely in all the try (ou stains) which are assigned (ou confided) to me. Although I don’t have any experience in the sector of tourism and restoration, I realized an internship in the bank of Credit Agricole of XXXXX, next to XXXXX. Furthermore, this year, I participate at some student shows (ou lounges), therefore (ou thus) thanks to it; I have developed skills in communication, in the way to speak at people.
I am available for an interview.
Please find my résumé enclosed
I am looking forward to hearing from you soon
Les mots que j'ai mis entre parenthèses
Merci d'avance pour votre aide.
Cordialement.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 24-03-2011 20:44
+ forum
Réponse: Lettre de motivation de may, postée le 25-03-2011 à 01:44:31 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
I am writing to you to apply for the position of article waiter. To finish my school year virgule I have to make/autre mot an internship of autre préposition june to july.
At present, I’m a student of the program called Bachelor Management in the Business School of XXXXX. I’m very interested by autre préposition that/this job because it (will) allow accorder avec sujet me to discover all the hotel’s characteristics and to improve my (skills in English) (English skills).
Dynamics and rigorous, I involve completely in all the try (ou stains) which are assigned (ou confided) to me. Pour rephrase ( le mot est effort) Although I don’t have any experience in the sector of tourism and restoration, I realized....idée manquant
an internship in the bank of Credit Agricole of XXXXX, next to XXXXX. Furthermore, this year/mettre après shows, I participate at autre prép. some student shows (ou lounges), therefore ok(ou thus) thanks to it;exclamation I have developed/improved more skills in oral communication (, in the way to speak at people ).I am available for an interview at your earliest convenience.
Please find enclosed my résumé (enclosed)
I am looking forward to hearing from you (soon)
Bleu et rouge pour corriger
Vert pour ajouter/modifier
(...)to be omitted
Rose rephrase
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Modifié par may le 25-03-2011 01:45
Réponse: Lettre de motivation de dasutal, postée le 25-03-2011 à 14:02:26 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Voici la lettre après correction:
I am writing to you to apply for the position of article waiter. To finish my school year, I have to do an internship from June to July.
At present, I’m a student of the program called Bachelor Management in the Business School of XXXXX. I’m very interested in this job because it allows me to discover all the hotel’s characteristics and to improve my English skills.
Dynamics and rigorous, I involve completely in all the try (ou stains) which are assigned (ou confided) to me. Pour rephrase ( le mot est effort) Although I don’t have any experience in the sector of tourism and restoration, I realized....idée manquant an internship in the bank of Credit Agricole of XXXXX, next to XXXXX. Furthermore, I participate in some student shows this year, thus thanks to it; I have improved more skills in oral communication.
I am available for an interview at your earliest convenience.
Please find enclosed my résumé.
I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Merci pour votre aide, par contre je ne comprends pas ce que je dois changer pour la phrase: " involve completely in all the try (ou stains) which are assigned (ou confided) to me. Pour rephrase ( le mot est effort)" mais aussi pour la phrase: "I realized....idée manquant an internship in the bank of Credit Agricole of XXXXX" ??
Réponse: Lettre de motivation de notrepere, postée le 25-03-2011 à 14:27:43 (S | E)
HelloI am writing to you to apply for the position of article (1) waiter. To finish (2) my school year, I have to do an internship from June to July.
At present, I’m a student of the program called Bachelor Management in the Business School of XXXXX. I’m very interested in this job because it allows me to discover all of the hotel’s characteristics and to improve my English skills.
(I will have to finish the rest later...)
(1) A supprimer
(2) Pour + infinitve = In order to + infinitive
Réponse: Lettre de motivation de gerondif, postée le 25-03-2011 à 18:24:33 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Les collègues sont gentils de vous corriger car certaines de vos phrases sont traduites mécaniquement comme par un traducteur sans logique: par exemple:
Je suis complètement impliqué dans toutes les tâches qui me sont confiées: "Vous" hésitez entre essai(try) et taches sur un vêtement (stains)!!!
I involve completely in all the try (ou stains) which are assigned (ou confided) to me.
idem pour les "salons" étudiants; student shows ou student lounges! a lounge, c'est le petit salon à côté de la salle à manger.
Attention aux "choix" proposés par les traducteurs !!
I am writing to you to apply for the position of waiter. To finish my school year, I have to do an internship from June to July.
At present, I’m a student of(j'aurais mis "dans) the program called Bachelor Management in the Business School of XXXXX. I’m very interested in this job because it allows me to discover all of the hotel’s characteristics and to improve my English skills.
Dynamics and rigorous, I involve(je suis impliqué et non pas j'implique) completely in all the try (ou stains)(les missions!) which are assigned (ou confided) to me. Although I don’t have any experience in the sector of tourism and restoration, I realized (veut dire "se rendre compte", ce verbe ne va pas: vous avez fait un stage) an internship in the bank of Credit Agricole of XXXXX, next to XXXXX. Furthermore, I participate(prétérit) in some student shows this year, thus thanks to it;(grâce à cela (démonstratif) I have improved more skills in oral communication.
I am available for an interview at your earliest convenience.
Please find enclosed my résumé.
I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Réponse: Lettre de motivation de dasutal, postée le 25-03-2011 à 19:16:20 (S | E)
Très bien je ferais attention à l'avenir.
I am writing to you to apply for the position of waiter. To finish my school year, I have to do an internship from June to July.
At present, I’m a student in the program called Bachelor Management in the Business School of XXXXX. I’m very interested in this job because it allows me to discover all of the hotel’s characteristics and to improve my English skills.
Dynamics and rigorous, I'm involved completely in all the missions (ou tasks) which are assigned to me. Although I don’t have any experience in the sector of tourism and restoration, I have done(ou did?) an internship in the bank of Credit Agricole of XXXXX, next to XXXXX. Furthermore, I participate(prétérit) in some student shows this year, thus thanks to it;(grâce à cela (démonstratif) I have improved more skills in oral communication.
I am available for an interview at your earliest convenience.
Please find enclosed my résumé.
I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Par contre pour "I participate" je ne comprend pas pourquoi je dois mettre du prétérit car je fais participe toujours aux salons étudiants? Et pour "thanks to it" je ne vois pas trop ce que je dois changer. De plus pour missions ou tasks je ne sais pas trop si ces deux mots sont adpatés à la phrase.
Réponse: Lettre de motivation de gerondif, postée le 25-03-2011 à 19:39:32 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
vous dites:
Furthermore, I participate(prétérit) in some student shows this year, thus thanks to it;(grâce à cela (démonstratif) I have improved more skills in oral communication.
j'ai amélioré, donc c'est que ça a eu lieu avant, j'aurais donc dit:
Furthermore, I participated (I took part in)in some student shows this year, and thanks to that(grâce à cela (démonstratif) I have improved my skills in oral communication.
Si c'est en cours, dans ce cas:
Furthermore, I will participate in some student shows this year, and thanks to that, I will improve my skills in oral communication.
Si c'est une habitude:
Furthermore, I always participate in some student shows during the year, and thanks to that, I regularly improve my skills in oral communication.
Réponse: Lettre de motivation de dasutal, postée le 25-03-2011 à 19:56:59 (S | E)
Très bien merci.
Et par contre pour: "I have done an internship in the bank of ..." est ce que je dois mettre "I have done" ou "I did an internship"? Parce que sachant que cela appartient au passé et que ça n'a plus de lien avec le présent j'aurais plutôt tendance a mettre "I did" mais je trouve la tournure bizarre avec "did".
Réponse: Lettre de motivation de dasutal, postée le 25-03-2011 à 20:01:38 (S | E)
Ne serait-ce pas mieux de mettre à la place de cette phrase: "Although I have no previous experience in tourism and restoration, I have had the opportunity to do an internship in the bank…"?
Réponse: Lettre de motivation de gerondif, postée le 25-03-2011 à 20:19:40 (S | E)
En fait, votre "although" ne va pas car la phrase veut dire: bien que je n'ai pas d'expérience dans la restauration, j'ai fait un stage dans la banque comme si il fallait une expérience en cuisine pour rentrer dans une banque.
I have done serait bien, I did pourrait impliquer effectivement qu'il ne vous en reste rien, pas un bon point pour l'employeur !!
Mettez : I have no previous experience in tourism and restoration but I have had the opportunity to do an internship in the bank…"
Réponse: Lettre de motivation de dasutal, postée le 25-03-2011 à 20:38:48 (S | E)
Ah oui je n'avais pas réalisé qu'avec "although" ma phrase n'avait pas trop de sens.
Et sinon en changeant cela, le reste de ma lettre sera bon?
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Modifié par lucile83 le 25-03-2011 21:00
Réponse: Lettre de motivation de dasutal, postée le 25-03-2011 à 21:49:44 (S | E)
En tout cas je vous remercie tous pour votre aide.
Bonne fin de soirée.
Réponse: Lettre de motivation de may, postée le 26-03-2011 à 20:07:10 (S | E)
Hello,
Dynamics and rigorous...
Dynamics (noun)
Dynamic (adjective)
Which one is supposed to be here?
Best wishes!
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Modifié par may le 29-03-2011 03:13
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