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    Writing/wedding ring

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    Writing/wedding ring
    Message from steve_vai0 posted on 25-12-2010 at 23:50:55 (D | E | F)
    Hello .

    Could you please correct this writing?
    Thank you very much for your help .


    The wedding ring

    Tom and Jully were loving couple ; One day Tom has chose one of the expensive ring to offer it to his only love at the wedding .

    At the wedding he did offer the ring to July , the latter was in such surprised that almost she could faint in front of his husband .

    The ring was for her the best and the precious thing in her life .

    One day while July was cleaning up the house like every Saturday morning , the ring slipped from her finger without being aware of it , obviously she has continued the cleaning .

    after like an hour while she was preparing the lunch she has noticed the ring was disappeared , she was surprised that she fell on the ground.

    she started to look for it like a fool , she couldn't remember where could slipped from his finger , but After an hour of looking she has thought perhaps she could slip while she was cleaning and she threw it in the trash with the garbage .........

    -------------------
    Edited by lucile83 on 26-12-2010 08:02




    Re: Writing/wedding ring from alphonse46, posted on 26-12-2010 at 09:59:52 (D | E)
    Good morning Steve

    loving couple/ a loving couple
    has chose/ 'to choose, chose, chosen', but here:Tom chose
    one of the expensive/ one of the most expensive
    he did offer the ring to July/he offered the ring to Jully
    in such surprised/ so surprised
    that almost she could faint/ that she should almost faint
    'for her' isn't useful: it's obviously for her
    like Saturday / as every Saturday
    her finger without/ her finger, without
    obviously she has continued/ she has obviously continued, but the action is nowadays finished, so that isn't the good tense: you have to modify ' has continued' to another tense
    after like an hour/after about an hour
    preparing the lunch/ preparing lunch
    she has noticed/ she noticed
    was disappeared/has disappeared
    she was surprised/she was so surprised
    she started to look: I prefer:she started looking
    could slipped/ could have slipped, but what was slipping ?
    his finger/ she is a woman, isn't she?/ her finger
    but After/ but after
    after an hour of looking/after a one-hour search
    she has thought/ she thought
    she could slip: Jully or the ring? She or it?
    and she threw it/ and could have thrown it
    in the trash/into the trashcan
    with the garbage/among the garbage
    in another order, 'can' isn't the best verb:
    could have slipped, or might have slipped

    -------------------
    Edited by alphonse46 on 26-12-2010 11:00
    -------------------
    Edited by lucile83 on 26-12-2010 21:37



    Re: Writing/wedding ring from steve_vai0, posted on 26-12-2010 at 19:34:33 (D | E)
    thank you very much
    the correction is clear, I think I have a problem of confusion between past and present perfect




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