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Lettre de motivation/correction
Message de aliu1983 posté le 11-08-2010 à 18:51:57 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je me permets de vous envoyer ce message car je dois envoyer une candidature dans une agence marketing (tourné vers l'international) et j'aimerais donner une bonne impression en prouvant que mon Anglais (moyen) est valable.
Puis-je avoir un avis à cette lettre de motivation et une correction ?
Merci
Dear Mr, Mrs
This year University 2010-2011 to Institute of Administration of Enterprises, I prepare a Master degree Product Marketing and Event Management, Option: Organisational Management, Services and Sports Events.
This training session six month, from April to September, will go me specialise in to disciplines where I would like to evolve: Advertising and Marketing. My choice to you is an opportunity because your agency use sport like a support Advertising and product development, sponsoring and development of a branding order to increase sales force of enterprises.
My wish to do a training session at your agency was motive by the desire to discover the marketing strategies on commercial applications.
To be in your marketing team would be a first experience beneficial for me this training session is in agreement with IAE Orleans and requires remuneration.
With Greatly motivation for to integrate your team, I hope an answer of your part. In waiting, I stay at your disposal for any clarification and any meet to discuss collaboration.
I thank you for taking the time to consider my resume and I'm looking forward from your soon.
Your, faithfully!
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Modifié par bridg le 11-08-2010 19:07
titre
Message de aliu1983 posté le 11-08-2010 à 18:51:57 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je me permets de vous envoyer ce message car je dois envoyer une candidature dans une agence marketing (tourné vers l'international) et j'aimerais donner une bonne impression en prouvant que mon Anglais (moyen) est valable.
Puis-je avoir un avis à cette lettre de motivation et une correction ?
Merci
Dear Mr, Mrs
This year University 2010-2011 to Institute of Administration of Enterprises, I prepare a Master degree Product Marketing and Event Management, Option: Organisational Management, Services and Sports Events.
This training session six month, from April to September, will go me specialise in to disciplines where I would like to evolve: Advertising and Marketing. My choice to you is an opportunity because your agency use sport like a support Advertising and product development, sponsoring and development of a branding order to increase sales force of enterprises.
My wish to do a training session at your agency was motive by the desire to discover the marketing strategies on commercial applications.
To be in your marketing team would be a first experience beneficial for me this training session is in agreement with IAE Orleans and requires remuneration.
With Greatly motivation for to integrate your team, I hope an answer of your part. In waiting, I stay at your disposal for any clarification and any meet to discuss collaboration.
I thank you for taking the time to consider my resume and I'm looking forward from your soon.
Your, faithfully!
-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 11-08-2010 19:07
titre
Réponse: Lettre de motivation/correction de aliu1983, postée le 15-08-2010 à 14:01:21 (S | E)
a little up
Réponse: Lettre de motivation/correction de notrepere, postée le 15-08-2010 à 23:32:12 (S | E)
Hello!This year University 2010-2011 to Institute of Administration of Enterprises, I prepare a Master degree Product Marketing and Event Management, Option: Organisational Management, Services and Sports Events.
[vous avez besoin de récrire cette phrase; il n'a pas du sens]
This training session, which + [manque un verbe] six month[s] from April to September, will go me [mal dit] specialise in
Réponse: Lettre de motivation/correction de notrepere, postée le 17-08-2010 à 05:13:47 (S | E)
Hello!Good:
I am presently a fifth year student of a Master degree in Product Marketing and Event Management and my option is Organisational Management, Services and Sports Event in IAE Orleans. This year, I will do a training session which will last six months from April to September and this requires remuneration.
Malheureusement, je ne comprends pas le sens du reste du texte. Pourriez-vous le récrire en français et puis je peux vous aider avec la traduction?
Unfortunately I am not exactly clear on what you want to say in the rest of your text. Would you rewrite it in French so I can give you better advice on the translation?
Amicalement
Réponse: Lettre de motivation/correction de chocofish11, postée le 17-08-2010 à 15:26:52 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Les phrases sont trop longues. L'ensemble est incohérent et redondant
Il ne ressort rien de votre personne dans la lettre. Ce n'est pas parce que vous êtes en master que vous serez attendu et/ou entendu.
"exige une rémunération..." on exige pas. Selon la législation en vigueur tous stages d'une durée supérieure à ... sont rémunérés.
Vous voulez être associé à leur équipe, mais au fait celle qui s'occupe plus précisément de quoi. Avez vous pris des renseignements sur organisation des services au sein de l'agence.
Je vous conseille de chercher une lettre de motivation p/stage sur internet vous y trouverez des phrases plus en adéquation avec votre recherche
Je reçois une lettre de ce type en anglais ou en français, elle passe en classement "vertical".
Réponse: Lettre de motivation/correction de aliu1983, postée le 17-08-2010 à 22:41:29 (S | E)
Et voici la version anglaise.
Est il correct et compréhensible?**
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am presently a fifth year of a Master degree in Product Marketing and Event Management. My option is the Organisational Management, Services and sports Event in IAE Orleans. This year, I will do training sessions which will last six months from April to September in marketing and communication.
Your agency is one of world°s leading of digital communication and communication expertise. Then, you are at core of evolution communication system. Interactivity, sustainable development and digital play an essential key in this new base. And your strategy operate this new base for to develop innovative concept and at the front fore of communication technology.
To be in your agency should be rewarding experience and it should give a new dimension in my career. Moreover, I should receive professional abilities and to improve my English because it is essential for me.
My education will allow me to do markets studies qualitative and quantitative. Then, to make a policy of event non-media communication... And I should be happy to practise it within your team.
Being a person who adapts enough quickly in various fields: Cultural and sport – Handling – Sales – Home automation and Electrical. These jobs allow me to develop teamwork, autonomy and technical abilities which I can use for other activity.
If you are interested or if you have any questions I am available for a recruitment interview. I thank you for taking the time to consider my resume and I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Yours faithfully.
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