<< Thèmes généraux, jeux, chansons || En bas
Lettre de motivation/relecture
Message de houto posté le 06-01-2010 à 18:21:10 (S | E | F)
Bonjour, j'ai réalisé une lettre de motivation et je voulais savoir votre avis sur celle-ci ?
Objectif de la lettre : partir en erasmus à Sydney
d'avance à tous et n'hésitez pas à me donner des conseils, et si vous voyez des fautes merci de me les signaler 
Dear Sir, Dear Madam,
After informed me, about the opportunities offered to the students concerning the pursuits of study in a foreign country, I decided to fill in an application form. Highly interested, I propose to you to examine my candidature.
After having discussed with the person in charge of the International Relations of the University of V**** and with a lot of student who currently undertaking an Erasmus years, on the opportunities offered to the students willing to study abroad, my choice concerned to a Bachelor in management at the university of Ulster on Syndney in Australy.
Presently an Undergraduate student in my second year in technical degree in Business, Marketing and Sales Techniques, I am very interested to make en Erasmus years. I am dynamic, motivated, open-minded and always ready to learn more.
I want take the opportunity offered by the University to live one year in **** because it will be the occasion to discover a new culture that attract me and there is an unforgettable and rewarding experience. Moreover it’s a considerable advantage for my resume. I’m ready and very motivate to acquire a unique enriching experience for my professional future. It will be an extraordinary chance for me to improve my English.
Yours Faithfully,
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 06-01-2010 21:14
Message de houto posté le 06-01-2010 à 18:21:10 (S | E | F)
Bonjour, j'ai réalisé une lettre de motivation et je voulais savoir votre avis sur celle-ci ? Objectif de la lettre : partir en erasmus à Sydney
d'avance à tous et n'hésitez pas à me donner des conseils, et si vous voyez des fautes merci de me les signaler Dear Sir, Dear Madam,
After informed me, about the opportunities offered to the students concerning the pursuits of study in a foreign country, I decided to fill in an application form. Highly interested, I propose to you to examine my candidature.
After having discussed with the person in charge of the International Relations of the University of V**** and with a lot of student who currently undertaking an Erasmus years, on the opportunities offered to the students willing to study abroad, my choice concerned to a Bachelor in management at the university of Ulster on Syndney in Australy.
Presently an Undergraduate student in my second year in technical degree in Business, Marketing and Sales Techniques, I am very interested to make en Erasmus years. I am dynamic, motivated, open-minded and always ready to learn more.
I want take the opportunity offered by the University to live one year in **** because it will be the occasion to discover a new culture that attract me and there is an unforgettable and rewarding experience. Moreover it’s a considerable advantage for my resume. I’m ready and very motivate to acquire a unique enriching experience for my professional future. It will be an extraordinary chance for me to improve my English.
Yours Faithfully,
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 06-01-2010 21:14
Réponse: Lettre de motivation/relecture de houto, postée le 06-01-2010 à 20:33:34 (S | E)
SVP aidez moi c'est important 
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 06-01-2010 21:12
Chaque membre bénévole corrige s'il le veut et quand il le veut ou peut
Réponse: Lettre de motivation/relecture de seb06000, postée le 06-01-2010 à 20:47:55 (S | E)
bonsoir,
je vous indique ce qui ne va pas
"Dear Sir, Dear Madam,
After informed( forme à revoir) me, about the opportunities offered to the students concerning the pursuits of study in a foreign country, I decided to fill in an application form. Highly interested ( c'est un calque du français, il faut un peu développer => I am..., I propose to you to examine my candidature.
After having discussed (c'est la tournure à utiliser pour informed ;;) ) with the person in charge of the International Relations of the University of V**** and with a lot of student( justement a lot donc pluriel) who ( il manque l'auxiliaire du present ing) currently undertaking an Erasmus years, on the opportunities offered to the students willing to study abroad, my choice concerned to a Bachelor in management at the university of Ulster on Syndney(ortho) in Australy (ortho) .
Presently an Undergraduate student in my second year in technical degree in Business, Marketing and Sales Techniques, I am very interested to make en( article à revoir) Erasmus years (an= singulier) . I am dynamic, motivated, open-minded and always ready to learn more.
I want (il manque une préposition après to want ) take the opportunity offered by the University to live one year in **** because it will be the occasion to discover a new culture that attract(3éme personne du singulier,present simple donc...) me and there is an unforgettable and rewarding experience. Moreover it’s a considerable advantage for my resume. I’m ready and very motivate( adjectif) to acquire a unique enriching experience for my professional future. It will be an extraordinary chance for me to improve my English.
Yours Faithfully,
Voilà
Amicalement
sébastien
Réponse: Lettre de motivation/relecture de houto, postée le 06-01-2010 à 21:16:08 (S | E)
Merci seb ,
j'ai corrigé comme je le pense mes fautes, merci de me confirmer ?
et j'ai mis en orange ce dont je ne suis pas sûr.
De plus si vous voyez des expressions bien à mettre dans ma lettre pour la rendre moins banale cela serait super
Dear Sir, Dear Madam,
After having informed me,
about the opportunities offered to the students concerning the pursuits
of study in a foreign country, I decided to fill in an application
form. I'am Highly interested TO make an erasmus year, I propose to you to examine my candidature.
After having discussed with the person in charge of the International Relations of the University of V**** and with a lot of students who are currently
undertaking an Erasmus years, on the opportunities offered to the
students willing to study abroad, my choice concerned to a Bachelor in
