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    Correction for review, please (1)

    << Thèmes généraux, jeux, chansons || En bas

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    Correction for review, please
    Message de antho2601 posté le 01-06-2009 à 11:20:51 (S | E | F)

    Hello,

    I currently pass prepare a BTS, and I will pass take an English oral examination. Can you correct my faults mistakes please?

    Thank you very much

    _______________________________________________________

     



    INTRODUCE


    Myselft


     In
    order to obtain my data-processing BTS, I carried out a 8 weeks
    training course within the company Axxx Communication in Luxembourg.
    After having obtained my diploma I would like to return in the working
    life as a developer of application in a Luxembourg company.


    The Company:


    Founded
    in 1999, Axxx  Communication uses information technologies to take up
    the challenges of communication of the companies. Of a simple visiting
    card to a complete Website, the company sets up all the means to help
    the companies to communicate and do known via various supports. The
    company is made up of a young and dynamic team including a project
    manager, an application’s developer, a graphic designer, a direction’s
    assistant and the director.




    EXPLAIN


    To
    find a training course was not an easy task. As of September, I put
    myself in the search of a training course in Luxembourg. Thus I wrote
    covering letters and gave CV to my friends who work in banks, but all
    banks gave me a negative answer. Thus I consulted Internet in order to
    index a maximum of data processing companies, specialized in the
    website development and sent email to them. After several negative
    answers and 3 interviews which did not succeed, Kevin Corte, project
    manager of Alibi Communication, complete my training course convention
    at the time of my meeting with him in November.




    DESCRIBE


    My Activities:


    My
    role in the company consisted in carrying out a Website for an
    elementary school. This school wanted an Internet site to facilitate
    the communication with the pupil’s parents. Thus, through this site
    they can consult the whole of the activities carried out at the school
    in the form of text and photos. On this Website, I created a Backoffice
    part, in other word, a not visible part by the visitor in which the
    school director can simply update the Website without data-processing
    knowledge. He can thus easily add news on the banner page or added text
    with photo in the gallery. To carry out this Internet site, I worked
    within the company in Luxembourg, surrounded by professionals who
    helped me when I met difficulties. Moreover, they brought much
    knowledge to me, different from that which we learn at the school. To
    carry out this project, I used the software Adobe Dreamweaver, which I
    learned how to control throughout my training course.


    The problem I had to face:


    I did not meet a particular difficulty at the time of the realization of this project.




    ANALYZE


    The results for the company:


    The
    realization of this project saved time with the company insofar as it
    could be devoted to other project more important and more difficult to
    realize.


    The results for myself:


    As
    for me, it was a good experiment, insofar as now I can carry out a
    Website of professional way. The creation of Internet site will be now
    easier for me, because I will use the knowledge learned thanks to this
    training course for my future carrying out, while continuing to improve
    my competences.


    Moreover,
    this experiment shows me that I was not mistaken in my choice in
    orientation for my future, because I know that it is this trade that I
    want to do, and now I have only wish: to finish my studies and to work
    as soon as possible.




    CONCLUDE


    To
    conclude, I draw only positive points of this experiment, because in
    addition to have improved my competences, I could work in a young team,
    with which I could work while being relaxed and in a good atmosphere. I
    hope that my future professional experience will be also positive as
    well at the professional level as social.


    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 01-06-2009 11:27


    -------------------
    Modifié par bridg le 01-06-2009 12:24
    pas de noms
    Divers


    Réponse: Correction for review, please de brettdallen, postée le 01-06-2009 à 11:53:25 (S | E)
    Bonjour,
    le texte étant assez long, je ne corrige que la première partie.

    Myselft(orthographe)

    In
    order to obtain my data-processing BTS(=vocational training certificate), I carried out a 8 weeks(singulier)
    training course within the company A... Communication in Luxemb(o)urg.
    After having obtained my diploma I would like to return in the working
    life(un peu lourd: "start working") as a developer of application(or "an application developer") in a Luxembourg company.

    The Company:

    Founded
    in 1999, A... Communication uses information technologies to take up
    the challenges of communication of the(lesquelles? vous utilisez l'article défini sans avoir précisé au préalable. "other"?) companies. Of("From") a simple visiting
    card to a complete Website, the company sets up all the means to help
    the companies to communicate and do(be") known via various supports. The
    company is made up of a young and dynamic team including a project
    manager, an application’s developer, a graphic designer, a direction’s("personal assistant"/"management secretary")
    assistant and the director.
    En espérant que cela améliorera l'ensemble.
    Cordialement.
    -------------------
    Modifié par bridg le 01-06-2009 12:25


    Réponse: Correction for review, please de antho2601, postée le 01-06-2009 à 12:00:41 (S | E)
    Merci beaucoup c'est gentil


    Réponse: Correction for review, please de TravisKidd, postée le 01-06-2009 à 17:30:31 (S | E)
    The headers should be nouns: Introduction, Explanation, etc.



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