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Message de babeth54 posté le 27-04-2008 à 19:12:51 (S | E | F)
Bonjour
Je souhaiterais aider ma nièce qui doit rédiger une lettre de motivation en anglais pour intégrer une seconde europèenne.
Pourriez vous nous dire nos fautes :
Hello,
I am a student in a 3rd class in the college at Gravigny.
Next year, I would like to go to an European class in your secondary school;
I have a good level in language. I have been learning German and English in a bilingual class for 4 years.
I would like to improve more my level in English while continuing German thanks to this class.
To enter in a European class requires to work a lot and to have many English courses, but I am motivated and I think it is indispensable for my professional and personal future.
The English language is used a lot in the business world and especially by developing countries to be able to communicate with the European.
If I speak English fluently, I would have much more luck in the business world to find a job which suits me, and to exercise it maybe in a foreign country.
I have never gone in a country where the used language is English and I would really like to discover the English culture during the planned trip in England by your Secondary school.
Mille mercis
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Modifié par bridg le 27-04-2008 19:23
Divers
Message de babeth54 posté le 27-04-2008 à 19:12:51 (S | E | F)
Bonjour
Je souhaiterais aider ma nièce qui doit rédiger une lettre de motivation en anglais pour intégrer une seconde europèenne.
Pourriez vous nous dire nos fautes :
Hello,
I am a student in a 3rd class in the college at Gravigny.
Next year, I would like to go to an European class in your secondary school;
I have a good level in language. I have been learning German and English in a bilingual class for 4 years.
I would like to improve more my level in English while continuing German thanks to this class.
To enter in a European class requires to work a lot and to have many English courses, but I am motivated and I think it is indispensable for my professional and personal future.
The English language is used a lot in the business world and especially by developing countries to be able to communicate with the European.
If I speak English fluently, I would have much more luck in the business world to find a job which suits me, and to exercise it maybe in a foreign country.
I have never gone in a country where the used language is English and I would really like to discover the English culture during the planned trip in England by your Secondary school.
Mille mercis
-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 27-04-2008 19:23
Divers
Réponse: Cover letter de gee, postée le 27-04-2008 à 19:48:38 (S | E)
Bonjour Madame Babeth,
Here are some remarks that sprang to my mind at reading the cover letter of your niece.
Hello,
I am not sure that this is the right way to start the letter. It depends on who is the addresse. "Dear Sir, dear Madam," or "Dear Sir or Madam,"
...I would like to go to an European class ...
a European class
maybe better so: I would like to attend a European class...
... improve (more) my level in English ...
I wouldn't say "more" that doesn't sound well and is pleonastic.
To enter in a European class...
To enter a European class
...it is indispensable ...
correct but unusual. Rather say: It is essential...
...developing countries to (be able) to communicate with the European.
I would say ... to afford them to communicate with the Europeans.
If I speak ..., I would have much more luck in the business world to find a job which suits me,
If I speak..., I will have...
It's not "luck" here that is at stake but "chance", "opportunity"
...where the used language is English...
Rather say: "an English speaking country"
the planned (trip) in England by your Secondary school.
Is it a trip?
or: the stay I hope to spend in your secundary school.
Nota bene: Je n'ai pas considéré le contenu de la lettre mais seulement son libellé.
God save your niece!
Réponse: Cover letter de babeth54, postée le 27-04-2008 à 20:12:49 (S | E)
Merci Gee. J'ai tenu compte de tes corrections. Est ce ok maintenant ?
For the attention of the headmaster (proviseur)
Dear Sir, (ou Dear Madam)
I am a student in a “classe de troisième” in the college of Gravigny.
Next year, I would like to attend to a European class in your secondary school.
I have been studying German and English in a bilingual class for 4 years which has enabled me to acquire an appreciable level.
I would really like to improve my level in English while continuing German thanks to this class.
To enter a European class requires to work a lot and to have many English courses, but I am motivated and I think it is essential for my professional and personal future.
My aim is to enrich my knowledge and competences through the training of English.
The English language is used a lot in the business world and especially by developing countries to afford them to communicate with the Europeans.
If I speak English fluently, I will have more opportunities in the business world to find a job which suits me, and to exercise it maybe in a foreign country.
I have never gone in an English speaking country and I would really like to discover the English culture during the planned stay I hope to spend in your Secondary school.
I am looking forward to hearing from you soon, and hoping for a favourable answer. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Merci d'avance
Réponse: Cover letter de gee, postée le 27-04-2008 à 21:01:30 (S | E)
Rebonjour Babeth,
Attention, peut-être que je fais aussi des fautes.
Il reste en tout cas que "to attend to a lesson" veut dire être très attentif à la leçon. Mais suivre une classe, c'est "to attend a class" verbe transitif sans préposition.
Next year, I would like to attend a European class in your secondary school.
Seconde question que je me pose:
"I have more opportunities in the business world to find a job which suits me, and to exercise it maybe in a foreign country."
"a job which suit me" ou plus courant me semble-t-il "a job that suit me", "suit" étant ici un subjonctif présent (forme de l'infinitif).
Le maybe, je le placerais avant le verbe comme ceci:
and maybe to exercise it in a foreign country.
Si un lecteur plus avisé lisait cette proposition de correction, qu'il donne donc son avis.
Bonne soirée, Babeth.
Réponse: Cover letter de reveuse-14, postée le 27-04-2008 à 21:34:15 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup à tous et surtout a ma marraine "babeth54" d'avoir passé du temps pour moi et pour ma lettre de motivation ! J'espère que celle ci me permetra d'aller en classe européenne pour mon année prochaine... Je croise les doigts !!
Encore merci
!! Réponse: Cover letter de luluchoupette, postée le 27-04-2008 à 23:07:48 (S | E)
je ne sais pas si tu as envoyé la lettre ou pas... mais, moi, je dois passer un test d'anglais en mi-mai... je suis trop stressé, parce que c'est un test ORAL et je le ferrais dans un lycée très bien placé... Mon niveau est bon au collège mais, pour eux, c'est pas suffisant : 15 au premier trimestre et 17 au second.
Je veux faire une seconde européenne car j'adore l'Angleterre. J'y suis jamais aller mais c'est ce que je veux depuis que j'ai 10 ans et une seconde européenne me permettrait de réaliser mon rêve... Ensuite, je préfère largement faire une seconde européenne plutôt qu'une seconde normale! Bref...
J'ai peur de ne pas savoir quoi dire... J'ai peur de ne pas être à la hauteur et j'ai peur de mal prononcé les mots en anglais... Enfin bon... Je stress.
Mais, ce que je voulais savoir, si c'est toi, tu as réussi?!
ça me donnerais peut être un peu de courage...
Merci,
luluchoupette
Réponse: Cover letter de nick27, postée le 30-04-2008 à 18:46:15 (S | E)
Umm what about "I'm really into foreign languages". It's quite familiar though
Réponse: Cover letter de reveuse-14, postée le 30-04-2008 à 18:50:05 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup !! Cela n'aide vraiment !!
Réponse: Cover letter de reveuse-14, postée le 30-04-2008 à 19:31:21 (S | E)
Sur ma lettre de motivation, je n'arrive pas à traduire :
" Je suis en classe de 3éme"
et
" Pour mon année de seconde"
Je vous remercie vraiment car je ne sais pas commen faire !
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Modifié par bridg le 30-04-2008 19:44
Vous faites votre lettre avec un dictionnaire et reviendrez la faire corriger en entier si elle n'est pas trop personnelle. Nous ne remplaçons pas un dictionnaire. C'est important pour vous.
Réponse: Cover letter de nick27, postée le 30-04-2008 à 19:48:19 (S | E)
I don't know how it works in the UK but here is what we say in the US :
- Je suis en classe de 3ème : I am in ninth grade / I am a ninth grader / I am a ninth-grade student
- Pour mon année de seconde : In/For my tenth grade
Hope this helps
Réponse: Cover letter de reveuse-14, postée le 30-04-2008 à 20:02:59 (S | E)
Dear Sir,
I am a ninth-grade student in the college of ******. Next year, I would like to attend to a European class in your secondary school.
I have been studying German and English in a bilingual class for 4 years which allowed me to have a very correct level. I would really like to improve my level in English while continuing German thanks to this class, because I am really into foreign.
To enter a European class requires to work a lot and to have many English courses, but I am motivated and I think it is essential for my professional and personal future.
My aim is to enrich my knowledge and competences through the training of English.
The English language is used a lot in the business world and especially by developing countries to allow them to communicate with the Europeans.
If I speak English fluently, I will have more opportunities in the business world to find a job which suits me, and to exercise it maybe in a foreign country.
Voilà ma lettre terminée. J'espère que vous prendrez le temps de la lire et de me faire remarquer les fautes !
Merci beaucoup !! Vraiment !!
Réponse: Cover letter de nick27, postée le 30-04-2008 à 20:19:58 (S | E)
Dear Sir,
I am a ninth-grade student in the college of ******. Next year, I would like to attend to a European class in your secondary school.
I'm a ninth-grade student at (name of the college) college.
I have been studying German and English in a bilingual class for 4 years which allowed me to have (=get) a very correct (=good) level. I would really like to improve my level in English while continuing German thanks to this class, because I am really into foreign languages
To enter a European class requires to work a lot and to have many English courses, but I am motivated and I think it is essential for my professional and personal future.
My aim is to enrich my knowledge and competences through the training of English. (=> through learning English)
The English language is used a lot in the business world and especially by developing countries to allow them to communicate with the Europeans.
If I speak English fluently, I will have more opportunities in the business world to find a job which suits me and to exercise it maybe in a foreign country.
Your last sentence sounds weird. I would say : "which suits me and maybe I'll even get to work in a foreign country/abroad"
Réponse: Cover letter de celines, postée le 30-04-2008 à 21:34:39 (S | E)
Bonjour,
je sais que ma remarque ne relève que du détail mais pour exprimer un but, au lieu de dire "My aim is to" + base verbale, tu peux également dire "I aim at" + gérondif (Base verbale + ing).
Je pense que cette structure pourrait être appréciée.
Réponse: Cover letter de nick27, postée le 30-04-2008 à 22:35:07 (S | E)
Right. "to aim at doing something", when the subject is a person, is more literal, though. In this case I would say "I aim to do something"
Réponse: Cover letter de wawas, postée le 01-05-2008 à 10:47:14 (S | E)
Bonjour, j'ai remarqué que vous avez poster deux sujets forums différents pour votre lettre.
Lien Internet
