Choléra/Correction
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Message de thomas1906 posté le 27-11-2021 à 23:59:26 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je dois faire un dialogue à propos du choléra (symptômes, prévention, traitement). Serait-il possible de me montrer mes erreurs sur ce texte qui m'a posé problème lors de sa rédaction. Je vous remercie d'avance de votre aide.
Cholera is a water-borne infectious disease characterized by numerous watery stools and vomiting. It is caused by Vibrio Cholerae. This bacterium is found in water or food contaminated with feces. This bacterium is found in water or food contaminated with feces. That's why you must be careful, the country you want to go have poor water and sewage treatment. Therefore, you can get cholera in this country.
Vibrio cholerae resists stomach acidity and multiplies inside the intestine. Then it secretes enzymes that allow break through the mucus lining the intestinal mucosa. The bacteria are now present in your intestine cells : The enterocytes. It secretes a toxin which binds to a specific receptor present on the surface of enterocytes. Some substances leave the enterocytes, for example chloride ions, and go inside the intestine. The Chloride ions are able to get out water and certain molecules from enterocytes. The water and other fluid substances flow out of the body leading to massive diarrhea whose daily volume can reach several liters and leading to severe dehydration.
The symptoms of the cholera disease usually manifest 1–3 days after ingestion of contaminated food or water. The onset of the clinical manifestation may be sudden profuse watery diarrhea followed by vomiting. If you do not rehydrate, your blood pressure drops rapidly and causes failure of vital organs, that can lead to death.
Message de thomas1906 posté le 27-11-2021 à 23:59:26 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je dois faire un dialogue à propos du choléra (symptômes, prévention, traitement). Serait-il possible de me montrer mes erreurs sur ce texte qui m'a posé problème lors de sa rédaction. Je vous remercie d'avance de votre aide.
Cholera is a water-borne infectious disease characterized by numerous watery stools and vomiting. It is caused by Vibrio Cholerae. This bacterium is found in water or food contaminated with feces. This bacterium is found in water or food contaminated with feces. That's why you must be careful, the country you want to go have poor water and sewage treatment. Therefore, you can get cholera in this country.
Vibrio cholerae resists stomach acidity and multiplies inside the intestine. Then it secretes enzymes that allow break through the mucus lining the intestinal mucosa. The bacteria are now present in your intestine cells : The enterocytes. It secretes a toxin which binds to a specific receptor present on the surface of enterocytes. Some substances leave the enterocytes, for example chloride ions, and go inside the intestine. The Chloride ions are able to get out water and certain molecules from enterocytes. The water and other fluid substances flow out of the body leading to massive diarrhea whose daily volume can reach several liters and leading to severe dehydration.
The symptoms of the cholera disease usually manifest 1–3 days after ingestion of contaminated food or water. The onset of the clinical manifestation may be sudden profuse watery diarrhea followed by vomiting. If you do not rehydrate, your blood pressure drops rapidly and causes failure of vital organs, that can lead to death.
Réponse : Choléra/Correction de gerondif, postée le 28-11-2021 à 16:58:09 (S | E)
Bonjour
Erreurs en bleu.
Cholera is a water-borne infectious disease characterized by numerous watery stools (j'aurai appris ce sens grâce à vous) and vomiting. It is caused by Vibrio Cholerae. This bacterium is found in water or food contaminated with feces. This bacterium is found in water or food contaminated with feces(doublon). That's why you must be careful if the country you want to go to have has poor water and sewage treatment. Therefore,(par conséquent ne va pas ic, je mettrais car ou parce que) because you can (may/might, mieux pour exprimer l'éventualité) get cholera in this country.
Vibrio cholerae resists stomach acidity and multiplies inside the intestine. Then, it secretes enzymes that allow cause break through the mucus lining the intestinal mucosa. The bacteria are now present in your intestine cells : The enterocytes. It secretes a toxin which binds to a specific receptor present on the surface of enterocytes. Some substances leave the enterocytes, for example chloride ions, and go inside the intestine. The Chloride ions are able to get out(peu compréhensible , sauf si on met get water out of, or vous avez from çà la fois, donc je mettrais extract ou expel) water and certain molecules from enterocytes. The water and other fluid substances flow out of the body leading to massive diarrhea whose daily volume can reach several liters and leading(si vous mettez and, il faut accorder avec can et mettre and lead. Sinon, mettez une virgule et alors leading est correct) to severe dehydration.
The symptoms of the cholera disease usually manifest themselves (ou appear tout seul) 1–3 days after ingestion of contaminated food or water. The onset of the clinical manifestation may be sudden profuse watery diarrhea followed by vomiting. If you do not rehydrate, your blood pressure drops rapidly and causes failure of vital organs, that (J'aurais mis that derrière un point. Ici, which, qui reprend la phrase précédente, au sens de ", ce qui", irait bien) can lead to death.
Réponse : Choléra/Correction de thomas1906, postée le 29-11-2021 à 00:12:43 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Merci pour votre réponse.
Serait-il possible de me confirmer ma bonne correction sur les phrases suivantes :
That's why you must be careful if the country you want to go to has poor water and sewage treatment.
The Chloride ions are able to extract water and certain molecules from enterocytes. The water and other fluid substances flow out of the body leading to massive diarrhea whose daily volume can reach several liters and lead to severe dehydration.
If you do not rehydrate, your blood pressure drops rapidly and causes failure of vital organs which can lead to death.
Réponse : Choléra/Correction de gerondif, postée le 29-11-2021 à 09:19:36 (S | E)
Oui, c'est bon mais mettez une virgule devant which :... ,which can lead to death, et marquez une pause à l'oral. Ce sera alors le sens de / , ce qui peut mener à la mort.
Votre which sans virgule se rapporterait à failure et est plus dur à identifier car séparé de son antécédent justement. Une défaillance des organes vitaux qui peut mener à la mort.
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