Lettre motivation/aide
Cours gratuits > Forum > Thèmes généraux, jeux || En basLettre motivation/aide
Message de drymeen posté le 23-01-2019 à 11:32:45 (S | E | F)
Bonjour et bonne année à tous !
Je suis actuellement en recherche d'emploi pour un poste de steward en compagnie aérienne. J'ai tous mes papiers, ai passé le TOEIC (score de 985) et suis en train de finaliser ma lettre de motivation en anglais, avec, je l'avoue, l'aide de deepL et moult corrections. Pratiquant surtout l'anglais conversation, j'ai de sérieuses lacunes dans le langage plus soutenu requis dans les lettres de motivation.
D'où le présent appel à l'aide. Ci-dessous la lettre en question, dans laquelle j'ai mis en italique les parties qui me semblent bancales.
***** is the flagship of modern aviation and in flight quality of service. Served by a fleet of modern aircrafts, as well as by crews of recognized professionalism, the company offers pleasant, regular(idée de régularité, frequent ?) and safe flights for its passengers.
I worked mainly in areas where customer care was essential and decided to combine my professional experience with my interest in the world of aeronautics. Having practiced professions (valide ?) that I certainly liked but in which I did not plan to pursue a career, I took the time necessary to find a professional field that would match my aspirations. I therefore turned to the job of cabin crew and successfully completed the CCA preparatory training at ESMA in Montpellier. This allowed me to add the required knowledge in the field of safety and first aid to my professional knowledge of customer relations (la formulation me paraît un peu lourde).
It is the image that ***** conveys throughout the world that motivated my application for the position of flight attendant within your company. With several years of experience in fast food and sales, I have developed essential skills for this profession, namely team spirit, communication, dynamism, reactivity, presentation care as well as resilience to stressful situations and adaptability to flexible schedules. I would be able to bring these qualities to your crews and grow within your company, bringing seriousness and good mood (langage familier ?)to my future colleagues and passengers.
I remain at your disposal
for an interview, in order to discuss with you (about ?) my motivations and your expectations. Please accept, Madam, Sir, the expression of my respectful feelings. (formule de politesse valide ?)
Merci pour votre aide. J'ai cherché un endroit où se présenter mais ne l'ai pas trouvé, étant un peu débordé ces derniers temps je n'y ai probablement pas passé assez de temps et l'ai peut-être loupé.
Edit : présentation faite sur mon profil, grâce à l'aide de lucile83, merci beaucoup !
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 23-01-2019 12:02
-------------------
Modifié par drymeen le 23-01-2019 15:18
Message de drymeen posté le 23-01-2019 à 11:32:45 (S | E | F)
Bonjour et bonne année à tous !
Je suis actuellement en recherche d'emploi pour un poste de steward en compagnie aérienne. J'ai tous mes papiers, ai passé le TOEIC (score de 985) et suis en train de finaliser ma lettre de motivation en anglais, avec, je l'avoue, l'aide de deepL et moult corrections. Pratiquant surtout l'anglais conversation, j'ai de sérieuses lacunes dans le langage plus soutenu requis dans les lettres de motivation.
D'où le présent appel à l'aide. Ci-dessous la lettre en question, dans laquelle j'ai mis en italique les parties qui me semblent bancales.
***** is the flagship of modern aviation and in flight quality of service. Served by a fleet of modern aircrafts, as well as by crews of recognized professionalism, the company offers pleasant, regular(idée de régularité, frequent ?) and safe flights for its passengers.
I worked mainly in areas where customer care was essential and decided to combine my professional experience with my interest in the world of aeronautics. Having practiced professions (valide ?) that I certainly liked but in which I did not plan to pursue a career, I took the time necessary to find a professional field that would match my aspirations. I therefore turned to the job of cabin crew and successfully completed the CCA preparatory training at ESMA in Montpellier. This allowed me to add the required knowledge in the field of safety and first aid to my professional knowledge of customer relations (la formulation me paraît un peu lourde).
It is the image that ***** conveys throughout the world that motivated my application for the position of flight attendant within your company. With several years of experience in fast food and sales, I have developed essential skills for this profession, namely team spirit, communication, dynamism, reactivity, presentation care as well as resilience to stressful situations and adaptability to flexible schedules. I would be able to bring these qualities to your crews and grow within your company, bringing seriousness and good mood (langage familier ?)to my future colleagues and passengers.
I remain at your disposal
for an interview, in order to discuss with you (about ?) my motivations and your expectations. Please accept, Madam, Sir, the expression of my respectful feelings. (formule de politesse valide ?)Merci pour votre aide. J'ai cherché un endroit où se présenter mais ne l'ai pas trouvé, étant un peu débordé ces derniers temps je n'y ai probablement pas passé assez de temps et l'ai peut-être loupé.
Edit : présentation faite sur mon profil, grâce à l'aide de lucile83, merci beaucoup !
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 23-01-2019 12:02
-------------------
Modifié par drymeen le 23-01-2019 15:18
Réponse : Lettre motivation/aide de lucile83, postée le 24-01-2019 à 10:26:37 (S | E)
Hello,
regular(idée de régularité, frequent ?)...ici ce sera: scheduled ... flights
This allowed me to add the required knowledge in the field of safety and first aid to my professional knowledge of customer relations (la formulation me paraît un peu lourde). ...This allowed me to increase the required and professional knowledge concerning safety and first aid due to customers.
bringing seriousness and good mood (langage familier ?)to my future.. ..sharing seriousness and good state of mind with my future...
I remain at your disposal ...I will remain at your service / I will be available for...
to discuss with you (about ?) my motivations ... to discuss my motivations (verbe transitif + with you est inutile car discuss concerne au moins 2 personnes)
Please accept, Madam, Sir, the expression of my respectful feelings. ...non ! Yours sincerely / Yours faithfully ( cela dépend si vous mentionnez le nom du destinataire; voir ici: Lien internet
Hope it helps. Good luck!
Réponse : Lettre motivation/aide de drymeen, postée le 24-01-2019 à 11:41:13 (S | E)
It does help a lot ! Thank you.
If you don't mind, I still have one question.
May I ask what is the purpose of "and" in "This allowed me to increase the required and professional knowledge" ? It confuses me.
Below is the latest iteration of this cover letter with your corrections and some personal work.
***** is the flagship of modern aviation and in flight quality of service. Served by a fleet of modern aircrafts, as well as by crews of recognized professionalism, the company offers pleasant, scheduled and safe flights for its passengers.
Having worked in fields that I certainly liked and that helped me develop many useful skills but in which I did not plan to pursue a career, I took the time necessary to find a path that would match my aspirations. Most of the jobs I practiced involved customer care which led me into combining my professional background with my interest in the world of aeronautics. I therefore turned to the cabin crew profession and successfully completed the CCA preparatory training at **** in Montpellier. This allowed me to increase the required professional knowledge concerning safety and first aid due to passengers and acquire new skillsets to add to my previous experiences in client relationship and teamwork.
It is the image that ***** conveys throughout the world that motivated my application for the position of flight attendant within your company. With several years of experience in fast food and sales, I have developed essential skills for this profession, namely team spirit, communication, dynamism, reactivity, presentation care as well as resilience to stressful situations and adaptability to flexible schedules. I would be able to bring these qualities to your crews and grow within your company, sharing seriousness and good state of mind with my future colleagues and passengers.
I look forward to hearing from you and will remain available for an interview in order to discuss my motivations and your expectations.
Yours faithfully.
Thanks again for your time.
Réponse : Lettre motivation/aide de lucile83, postée le 24-01-2019 à 21:43:49 (S | E)
Hello,
No 'and' is not necessary. This allowed me to increase the required professional knowledge is correct.
***** is the flagship of modern aviation and in together with flight quality of service. Served by a fleet of modern aircrafts, as well as by crews of recognized professionalism, the company offers pleasant, scheduled and safe flights for its passengers.
Having worked in fields that I certainly liked and that helped me develop many useful skills but in which I did not plan to pursue a career, I took the time necessary mind the words order to find a path that would match my aspirations. Most of the jobs I practiced you practise sports, not a job involved customer care which led me into combining my professional background with my interest in the world of aeronautics. I therefore turned to the cabin crew profession and successfully completed the CCA preparatory training at **** in Montpellier. This allowed me to increase the required professional knowledge concerning safety and first aid due to passengers and acquire new skillsets in 2 words to add to my previous experiences in client relationship and teamwork.
It is the image that ***** conveys throughout the world that motivated my application for the position of flight attendant within in your company. With several years of experience in fast food and sales, I have developed essential skills for this profession, namely team spirit, communication, dynamism, reactivity, presentation care as well as resilience to stressful situations and adaptability to flexible schedules. I would be able to bring these qualities to your crews and grow within your company, sharing seriousness and good state of mind with my future colleagues and passengers.
I look forward to hearing from you and will remain available for an interview in order to discuss my motivations and your expectations.
Yours faithfully.
Good writing skills,
you're welcome Réponse : Lettre motivation/aide de drymeen, postée le 25-01-2019 à 10:23:23 (S | E)
Superb, your help has been of high value and I can't thank you enough for it.
Moving on to the next step and sending my first applications this afternoon. Fingers crossed !
Réponse : Lettre motivation/aide de lucile83, postée le 25-01-2019 à 13:02:30 (S | E)
I wish you success and all the best ! Cours gratuits > Forum > Thèmes généraux, jeux
